This year has been huge for our family. My childhood dream of adopting a child finally came to fruition. Our other kids love their baby brother so much and I am awed every day watching them interact with him. Our adoption really did not go as I had always envisioned it, and I marvel at the way God worked in our lives. I always thought I would adopt a "China doll." A little Chinese baby girl, from a land far, far away. A place where baby girls are left on police station steps, with no identification, no way of finding out who the birth parents are. I think these adoptions are awesome, by the way and have several friends who have beautiful little China dolls in their families. Maybe one day I will too.
However, I think my reasons for wanting an international adoption stemmed from fear. I thought I wanted a baby that could never trace his/her parents. A baby that I was sure could never be taken from me. I'm sure I know where this fear came from, but it doesn't really matter, what it was was a lack of trust.
In all of His sovereignty, God was not going to leave me in a place of fear. When Stan felt the time was right, immediately it became apparent to us that we were to do a domestic adoption, through an attorney that we had worked with in the past. Within 3 weeks of starting the process, I found myself on a plane, bound for the West to pick up our baby boy from the hospital. God did not even give me time to think about fear, there was too much to do!
Two days after meeting our son for the first time, I found myself having lunch with his birth mom. Stan asked me on the way to the restaurant if I was nervous. Frankly, I had not thought about it. I think God kept my mind so completely focused on Him and my new baby during the entire process that fear, nervousness, and anxiety just had no room to dwell in my mind or heart. Looking back, it was truly amazing.
Just last week, two days before Christmas we received an envelope from our attorney. It had some weight to it, so I knew it wasn't another bill! (He loves to send those periodically.) I opened it to find a lengthy letter and a stack of pictures from our son's birth grandmother. She wrote us to give us some medical background on his birth dad and pictures of him from childhood. Her letter was so sweet and personal. She opened her heart about how sad she was to miss out on our son's life, but how she knew that the decision for him to be raised in a stable home was the most unselfish decision his birth parents could have made. Their lives just are not where they can raise a child. It brought tears to my eyes to think of this sweet lady, willing to give us medical information and answer questions we may have. Willing to share original copies of childhood pictures of her son. Willing to sacrifice her grandson because it was best for him.
Perhaps the most amazing part of this whole thing, to me at least, is the miracle God has wrought in my heart. I had no fear, no anxiety, no knot in the pit of my stomach reading this letter. I had no thoughts of "ownership" when it comes to our son. He doesn't belong to me, he belongs to God. I am being used to raise this precious soul and point him toward Jesus. That is my role, and I am embracing it.
Our son was physically born to two other people. Their blood runs in his veins and their DNA make up his physical body. I love him with my whole heart and I would give my life for him, as I would any of my other children. The bond we have feels no different than the children I bore, but the truth is he has a birth family. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins that are physically related to him. People that he looks like, that have the same beautiful eyes, the same fuzzy hair, and quirky shaped ears. I totally believe that our son will be a lot like us, I think "nurture" plays a huge part in who you become, but I would be remiss to believe that "nature" has no say.
God plucked our son from a potentially bad situation and put him in a place where he will be trained up according to his bents and taught the foundational principles of the Word of God. There was a reason for that. There is a plan that has been set in motion and God is allowing us to be a part of it. I can't see the whole picture, I can only play my part one day at a time. I don't know when Patrick will want to meet his birth family, but I have to believe he will. The miraculous part is that I am truly ok with that. Adoption is so much bigger than me. It is not about me at all. It is about raising this precious soul to embrace God's call on his life. I pray every day that part of God's plan is to draw his birth parents into a relationship with Him. I pray that our son will get to be a part of that in some way. That having him, receiving pictures and letters, and watching him grow into a man will somehow touch their hearts. That they will see that even in the midst of a lot of bad choices, they made one really, really good choice. They gave life to our son; they gave life to their son. I pray that knowledge will draw them to the Savior, because in the end, we can't hold on to any of our children, whether we gave birth to them or not - we have to let them fly and become the men and women God intended them to be. How awesome when He allows us to be a part of drawing others to Himself.
Thank you God for our son. Thank you for ridding me of this fear in my life and giving me the freedom to love him without reserve. Thank you for all of the children you have given us - next to salvation, they are indeed our greatest gifts.
1 comment:
Yes He Is. thanks for the reminders. :-)
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