Scandalous

Grace.

Scandalous grace.

I want to just say this word over and over.

gracegracegracegracegracegrace........

In that last 24 hours I have cried with my daughter who is working in NYC this summer fighting sex trafficking, I have heard about a friend of ours, a pediatrician, who attended a three year old rape victim in the middle of the night last night (yes, I said three year old rape victim), I have read several blog posts regarding the raiding of brothels in Southeast Asia where children as young as eleven were being used night after night for sex, I have read a blog post where the author had recently ministered to a woman whose best friend and best friend's two week old were shot in cold blood by the father of the baby in front of their four year old child.  I have cried with a friend whose family is being torn apart due to the practice of witchcraft and sorcery.  I have cried with another friend whose dreams are being shattered by the sinful lifestyle of someone very close to her.  

Friends, the world is not getting any better.  I think most everyone has come to this conclusion.  What I think many people are not willing to admit is that our problem is an issue of the heart - and here is the scandal.  We are all wicked.  Every one of us.  Wicked to the very core.  There is but one answer to the problem of our pain- and therein lies the rub.  

Scandalous grace.

You see, deep within the heart of the man who shot his two week old baby in cold blood is a kind of pain that is unfathomable to me.  Deep in the heart of a man who rapes a three year old is a sickness that probes depths that I can not begin to wrap my mind around.  A soul sickness.  We can call them evil monsters - and they are.  They are driven by the father of all evil - and he is certainly a monster.  There is no justification for this type of behavior and I am not offering any.  God clearly has infinitely more mercy to offer than I do in these types of scenarios.

However, in addition to the things I mentioned above - today I have also cried with a dear friend whose teenage daughter is being bullied, shamed, and plotted against for no reason -- by an adult woman who goes by the name "christian."  A woman who is leader in their local christian community - a woman who is bent on turning others against a young girl because she doesn't approve of certain choices the family makes concerning clothing style, travel opportunities, and the amount of make up they allow their daughter to wear or not wear.  As much as I am horrified and devastated by the physical pain inflicted on innocent children by the perpetrators that I mentioned above, I am equally sickened by the way people who claim to follow Christ treat their brothers and sisters in the Lord.  We are shooting our own wounded - with startling regularity.  

In her book Give Them Grace by Elyse Fitzpatrick she says this, "Jesus or no Jesus, we want our children to obey, be polite, not curse or look at pornography, get good jobs, marry a nice person, and not get caught up in the really bad stuff.  It may come as a surprise to you, but God wants much more for your children and so should you.  God wants them to get the gospel.  And this means that parents are responsible to teach their children about the drastic, uncontrollable nature of amazing grace.  The biggest lie about grace that satan wants Christian parents to buy is the idea that grace is dangerous and therefore needs to be "kept in check."  By believing this we not only prove that we don't understand grace, but we violate gospel advancement in the lives of our children."  

gracegracegracegracegrace......

I love the concept of grace.  In fact, if we are followers of Christ, we better all love it because without it we would be doomed.  In the face of absolute purity, my sins are as black as the most horrific of crimes, like the ones I mentioned above.  I think that we have no real concept of the holiness of God because if we did we would stop pointing the finger at everyone else's sin (or in some cases simply other's preferences that differ from ours) and start looking into our own. If we would stare our own sin in the eyes and then look past it to the giver of Life - we would have no more room in our hearts to condemn others.  We are all condemned - every last one of us.  And we deserve it.  

So, do I "get" this statement from Elyse Fitzpatrick's book?  Is this how I live my life?  Philip Yancey in his book What's So Amazing About Grace says that it is his belief that the reason Jesus preferred the company of sinners instead of saints is because in contrast to the saints who put on airs and constantly tried to catch Him in a moral trap, the sinners were honest about themselves and had no pretense.  Here is my personal experience - I think that there is still some "Pharisee" left in all of us, even when we try to fight it, even when we hate it with everything in us.  So, no, I don't fully "get" it, and as much as I wish I could, I can't fully live it.  But, maybe that is the best place to be.  I have no illusions that I am good.  I am well aware that every "good" thing I try to do is filthy.  It is tainted to the very core by the disgusting stench of who I am.  You know what, though - at the heart of that realization is one overarching theme.......

gracegracegracegracegracegrace.......  Scandalous.

Grace should never be "kept in check" - not in your life or the lives of your children.  You were made to live FREE.  We all were.  If we could wrap our minds around even a fraction of what freedom truly is, then we would see the captives released.  Someone once said "The ones who are crazy enough to believe they can change the world are the ones who do."  As long as I am alive, I will shout it from the rooftops - Jesus loves me, this I know.  He came that we might have abundant LIFE!  Take it - He is holding it out to you.  Peace that passes all understanding is ours.  

And that, my friends, is scandalous.

Too Blessed to Sweat the Small Stuff

God has really done a work in me recently.  I don't share this to brag - believe me, if you really knew me you would know there is little to brag about - and I am fully aware of this fact.  No, I share to give all the glory to the God who has pursued me since I was a little girl. Since the day I knelt as a ten year old in the pastor's office to repeat after him the words to the "sinner's prayer."  By the way, I am not advocating that method for becoming saved, believe me, it didn't take - but, that is another post.

Only God....  He knew who I was and who I would become and He refused to leave me there, groveling for something that He had already done.  It took years and years of stubbornness, of Him tenderly chipping away at layer after layer of a heart that was so incredibly hard for absolutely no reason at all.  I had every reason and opportunity to truly come to Him as a child - great parents, a family that loved me, church several days a week.  I can't even really blame the devil on my lack of acceptance, I imagine he just sat back and smirked while I self-destructed.  No, if I have to place blame, I think it was the "first born syndrome."  I realize all first borns don't have it, but I did.  I was selfish, self-righteous, self-absorbed - do you see a pattern?  I wanted what I wanted, when I wanted it, and I expected that I would get it.  Often I did get it, no matter what the cost.  It was a sad way to live and a waste of such precious time.

 I truly surrendered my life to Christ 17 years ago.  I don't remember the date, but I distinctly remember the moment.  There were no fireworks, but there was life change.  The Holy Spirit enveloped me in a way that I could only have dreamed about and really can't describe.  It was real and I have never doubted it.  That was justification.

Fast forward to the present.  The sanctification process is a bit more grueling.  I still have a long way to go, but this week I hurdled another milestone and it is awesome.  Nothing short of a miracle, though not in a flashy way.  Again, no fireworks, just that still small voice in the middle of the night.  I think God actually prefers to work that way.  He can do flashy, but He doesn't want you to follow Him for flashy, He wants you to follow Him in the nitty gritty - and there is nothing flashy about that.  In fact it is usually dirty, sometimes gross, and always humbling.

Since we moved here, we have had more than the normal bouts of illness.  I have written many times about our family's health practices.  We are normally very healthy.  Here, however, we seem to be allergic to everything - everyone but Joshua, who had allergies in Florida and is fine out here.  So, he's happy.  We have had little coughs and snotty noses and things we don't normally have to deal with.  Then, the big guns hit and 7 weeks ago we all had the norovirus.  It knocked all seven of us on our butts in less than 24 hours.  I have never in my life seen anything like it and I have never felt so miserable.  It was fairly short lived, which was good because we would have died in our home from lack of food and basic necessities if it had gone on too long - it was for sure that none of us could muster up enough energy to get to the store.

We shook that off and things have gone along well until this week.  Sunday afternoon Stan, Patrick, and I set off to Ikea - to purchase a futon.  We got about 5 minutes down the road and I heard that awful sound that all moms recognize.  It is kind of a gurgle and a strangled cry.  Yep - Patrick was puking everywhere!  Ugh, car seat nightmares flashed through my head - do you know how hard those things are to take apart??  Anyway, things went from bad to worse - I'm pretty sure he had rota virus.  We ended up having to take him to the hospital for IVs on Tuesday and it is Thursday and though he is much better the diarrhea has not completely stopped.  It has been a nasty little germ.  Graham, our 11 year old, also got it, but very mildly.  No one else has gotten sick - so far.

Anyway, my "moment" came when Tuesday night Graham jumped up off the couch where we were sleeping.  Well, I wasn't sleeping because I had been changing Patrick about once an hour from his uncontrollable diarrhea, but the boys were sleeping at the moment.  It is leather and I have been sleeping laying wide eyed there with Patrick because I can line it with thick towels and not have to change the sheets on the bed every couple of hours when he vomits all over them.  Graham is just my side kick, so he was there too.  He jumped up, threw his hand over his mouth and ran for the bathroom.  He almost made it.

Yeah, you can picture it.  We had spaghetti for dinner - not the smartest choice in hindsight.  He got to the door of the bathroom, but not all the way to the toilet.  He is eleven.  He is tall and big and he eats a lot.  He is also a textbook case of ADHD.  Kids like this don't do anything calmly - even puke.  There was puke behind the toilet, on the walls (all four of them), on the door frames and baseboards, on the cabinet fronts.  Did I mention that my cleaning lady comes on Tuesdays? This bathroom was spotless.  Was being the operative word.

People who don't really know me think that I am patient.  Maybe they just assume that because we home school and have five kids.  That certainly has nothing to do with it.  We home school because God said to do it.  He did not give me an inordinate amount of patience and then ask me if I would like to give up my career, my days at the nail salon, my clean house, and lunch with my girlfriends in exchange for home schooling my children.  Now don't get me wrong, I love home schooling and there are myriads of blessings and benefits.  I wouldn't choose another route if God gave me the option (which He hasn't).  The point is that patience is a fruit of the Spirit and one I do not naturally possess.

So, back to the situation at hand.  Normally I would have reacted to the mess in the bathroom with frustration.  Now, I would not have directed it at my sick son.  He certainly didn't mean to do it and I can sympathize with the stomach virus, plus I've been cleaning up puke and vomit now for the past 48 hours anyway - it is nothing new.  But, inside I would have had a complaining spirit.  Y'all, if you could have seen this bathroom.  I had to wipe down every square inch of it, including the walls.  It took the better part of an hour, an entire roll of paper towels, and then I had to bring out the sanitizing steamer to be sure I got all those nasty little germs.  This was at 3:30 in the morning and I had not been to sleep yet.

However, God did a huge thing.  I looked at the bathroom, calmly and with much compassion sent Graham to take a shower, donned my rubber gloves and gathered my supplies and went to work.  I didn't feel that frustration rise up in me that I normally feel in an especially aggravating situation.  Instead, I felt gratitude.  You see, we have some friends who were planning to come out and spend an indefinite amount of time with us while they adopted a precious preemie who was born last week here in Phoenix at 25.5 weeks gestation.  We had been readying their room and preparing for their arrival.  Then, this tiny little guy went to be with Jesus.  He was just too frail for this world.  They are devastated.  God had knit their hearts to his and they were ready to welcome him into their family and love him back to health.  Some other friends of ours are very close to a family from our home town and former church whose 18 month old has cancer.  Daily I have been praying for her and looking at her pictures on their Facebook prayer page.  In that moment, looking at all the puke and at my precious son, God whispered something deep inside of me.  My kids are healthy, alive, and we are all here together.  The stomach virus, no matter how nasty and lingering, is just a bump in the road and scrubbing floors is good for the soul.  I got to it.

I have been reading through the Psalms and today I read Chapter 63.  I will leave you with a few verses from that chapter that showed me, again, that God is not finished with me yet.  He is allowing me to get to a place where He is all that I yearn for.  His steadfast love is all that I truly need.  It is all that this hurting world needs.  I am so thankful for His tender, yet earnest prodding.  I don't want to remain where I am.  I want more and more of Him.

Psalm 63: 1-8

"O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you, my soul thirsts for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water."  (If you knew how much I can relate to that even physically, you would find it as ironic as I do.  Spring in Phoenix is NO joke - it is so dry here, I wake up gasping for breath in the middle of the night)

"So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary, beholding your power and glory.  Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you.  So I will bless you as long as I live, in your name I will lift up my hands.  

My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food, and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips, when I remember you upon my bed, and meditate on you in the watches of the night, for you have been my help, an din the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy.  My soul clings to you, your right hand upholds me."  

A New World

All of creation sings of God's glory, and yet the weight of sins falls heavy on the earth.  Overwhelming tragedy, creation groans for relief.  Mankind grits its teeth and bears the weight of sin for another day.  

Sometimes it all seems too much.  Our souls can choose to live in the Kingdom of His glorious light but our physical bodies long for that which we can not see. Physical redemption seems so far away.  The days seem dark and the night seems long, yet we know that glory is our end. 

"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. For we know that the whole creationhas been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience."  Romans 8

When tragedy strikes, as it seems to all too often lately, and my gut wants to gather my brood under my wing and hide in the house, I have to remember what He promised.  

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come."  2 Corinthians

Because we are new creations, bought by the precious blood of Christ, we do not have to live in fear.  Perfect love casts out fear and we can live as those redeemed.  Nothing can separate us from the love of Christ.  Not death, not destruction, not terror.  The world groans under the weight of tragedy and death, but we have the capability to live as free men and women, filled with the power of our risen Savior.  

"For neither circumcision counts for anything, nor uncircumcision, but a new creation."  Galatians 

He is not shaken by circumstances, He is not frantic or panicked by what we see around us.  He is still on the throne and He controls the destiny of all of mankind. He is patient and waits for the full number of the redeemed to enter into His Kingdom.  The world sees destruction, He sees opportunities for surrender.  

"He who testifies to these things says, “Surely I am coming soon.” Amen. Come, Lord Jesus!"  Revelation

Life

It's time for another vulnerable post that actually may look something like a pity party.  Sorry.

This cross country move has kicked our butts as a family.  I am ashamed to admit it, but also pumped up about the prospect of fighting back. 

 ^"For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm." 

We are surrounded constantly by the powers of darkness that desire to see intact families fall.  I feel their presence in a very real way in our family lately.  It is terrifying yet at the same time, I can't help but feel a little bit pumped and a lot humbled that God is asking us to don the armor.  I know that in the power of Christ, we will win this battle - He will win it.  Apart from Him, there is nothing good in me, nothing courageous, and nothing willing to fight the fight.  With Him, however, there is the faith of a mustard seed and that is what I am clinging to right now.  That tiny speck of faith that knows at the very core of who I am that it is enough for Him to work with.  It is enough to win the war, and I can not wait to see what beauty God brings from the struggle.

I'm going to be bluntly honest, I am struggling right now in just about all aspects of myself.  My parenting seems less than adequate lately - my kids are struggling.  My marriage has hit a rough patch, but thankfully Stan and I both saw that coming and were able to intercept and stand firm together.  My spirit feels about as dry as the desert we are walking in right now, both literally and figuratively.  

Currently, I am sunk deep in the Word.  I crave it like water.  It literally feels like my lifeline in all that is going on in my life.  I am beginning to truly own the verse, "Like a deer pants for water, so my soul longs for you, oh God."  I long for and crave His presence in ways I never have before.  For that, I would move to the desert again and again and again.

With all of this craving though, comes a deep and profound sense of loss.  I look back at my life and at all that I so callously threw away as a teenager and young adult and I grieve on a deep, soul level.  I want so desperately to be a blessing, to make a difference in this world that seems so crazy out of control.  I don't want to live like an American Christian - content to let the church teach my children about God and wanting only for them to grow up and be "good" and "successful."  No, I don't want my children to be "good" I want them to be an unstoppable force, strong only in the power they possess from a living, breathing relationship with Jesus Christ.  But, if I am honest, I want another chance to be used that way as well.

We are blessed right now to know two beautiful young girls who left everything comfortable and familiar this year and moved to Africa.  One to Uganda and one to Tanzania.  Emma and Stephanie embody my hopes and dreams for my children.   Not that I am praying for my children to move to Africa, no, I am praying that they follow God's call - no matter where and no matter what it looks like.   I so wish that I had not squandered my time when I was young in stupid and worldly pursuits.  God stopped my foolishness in its tracks when in His mercy and grace, He saved me from myself and gave me two babies at 20 years old.  I will never, ever regret the decision to be a mom at such a young age.  It made me grow up and it made me look beyond the self-absorbed life I was living.  Those same babies are 19 years old now - the same age I was when I was pregnant with them.  They are mature followers of Christ - struggling so hard right now to find their place in this world and desiring to make a difference.  I have a strong feeling that one day soon I will add my own precious daughter's name to this list of young women I pray fervently for.  Her desire is to follow God's call to the ends of the earth.  My children are my heroes.  Bryce is everything that I wish I had been at her age.  She is wrestling with God right now, trying to figure out where He wants her to be - but, she is open and willing to follow Him where ever He leads.  

Sometimes, I want a do over.  I would still end up right where I am now - married to my husband and mom to these exact same five children.  However, I would not have wasted my youth.  I would not have pursued the things of this world - I would have given my all to the God that I never doubted was there, but Who I successfully ignored throughout my teen years, all the while never missing a Sunday warming up the church pew.  

Young people have so much potential.  Without the cares of providing for a family, the world is before them in all of its glory.  Following Christ is the adventure to end all adventures, yet the enemy has infiltrated our youth with apathy, with selfishness, and self-absorption.  He has whispered the lie, and they have believed it, that they deserve anything they want at all costs.  We all fall for this lie from time to time, no matter our age.  

I am committing to pray these lies away from our family.  I want to be used by God, even if I wasted so much time, I want to be used now - however He sees fit.  I want Him to reach down into our family and grab such tight hold of all of our hearts that there is nothing else we can do besides follow Him, and I mean truly, truly follow Him.  If He is who He claims to be, and I believe with all of my heart that He is, then we have to obey Him.  NOTHING else in this life means anything.  

NOTHING.

Will you join me in praying for these two young ladies?  And if you think of us, could you offer up a prayer or two for our family as well?  We are standing firm, but some days I feel like life is getting the best of us.

Taste and See

"Oh taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him."  Psalm 34:8

I love the Word of God.  Seriously.  Some days, actually many days, get away from me and I don't pick up my Bible.  I always find that when that is going on, I am grumpy and irritable.  I can't properly mother my children and I am not pleasant to be around.  I don't mean that in a legalistic, must have my "quiet time," kind of way.  There is nothing quiet about anything in our home - Bible time or anything else.  Everything is done in the midst of "real" life.  Including diving into God's Word.  I don't get up early for my Bible reading - if I did, I would fall asleep in my chair.  Don't get me wrong, it is a great idea, and if you can manage it, more power to you.  But, don't let church formulas and 12-step processes designed to bring you "closer to God" discourage you into not getting into His Word.  There is no 12 (or any other number) - step process that will bring you closer to God.  God hasn't moved.  He gave all of Himself on the cross and freely filled you with His Holy Spirit the millisecond you gave your life to Him.  You can't get any more of Him, no matter how hard you try.  It is not about trying to get closer to Him, it is about loving Him so much that you want to know Him.  Intimately.

Even though there are times that life gets the best of me,  there are also times when I simply can not get enough of reading my Bible.  I carry it around and peek into it when I have a second - sometimes a literal second.  I furiously scribble notes because I am a writer and I can't read without a pen in my hand.  I am in the middle of one of those times right now.  I read two Old Testament prophet books while my kids were at their guitar lesson last night and Patrick was asleep in the car.  It was way too late for him to be napping and I should have woken him up, but I kept praying he would stay asleep while I finished reading Nehemiah.  I am a strange one sometimes.

I want to know deeply this God who loved me enough to die for me.  When I read His Word and I see His plan to redeem mankind so clearly laid out for us, I wonder that anyone could reject Him.  It is so clear to me that without Him we are nothing.  Absolutely worthless in all that we try to get right.  I can't be a wife, a mother, or even a decent human being apart from His grace.  I shudder to think what I could become without His mercy in my life.

Over the years I have been in the habit of "canned" Bible Studies.  You know the ones, a DVD of a speaker, with a home work book for you to do every day that gives you little snippets of the Bible to "study."  Now don't get me wrong, in and of themselves there is nothing wrong with these.  However, for me they often took the place of digging deep.  What I found was that often these studies yank out portions of Scripture that go along with their "theme" and somehow you miss the big picture.  Or "the rest of the story..." as Paul Harvey would say.   Other people's words should never, never take the place of God's in your life. 

It has been several years since I have done one of these types of studies, and in some ways I have missed them, but in many  more ways I like the fact that I have had to think a little more.  Ponder, and ask God to give me the wisdom to understand His Word.  Not too long ago I would never have attempted to read Nehemiah or Amos without a "Bible teacher" there to give me his or her take on it.  Now, I simply ask God to open my ears before I start to read and, even if there are things I don't understand, I always, always take something away from my reading.  God is so good like that.

Something else that happens when you truly dig into the Bible for yourself without all the commentary from others, is that you gain a lot of discernment.  Suddenly, when you come in contact with a verse torn completely out of context and printed in a "devotional" or a small group study, you realize immediately that the author had a personal agenda for trying to get you to think and feel a certain way.  Francis Chan said in one of his sermons, "I can make the Bible say whatever I want by taking out verses one at a time."  Anyone can do that.  That is why I prefer sermons where the pastor preaches word for word through an entire book of the Bible, instead of sermons that are comprised of his "thoughts" and random verses of Scripture.  It just doesn't give an accurate view of who God truly is.

God is truly capable and more than willing to show Himself to you.  He longs for an intimate relationship with you - for reasons that are so far beyond what I can wrap my mind around.  I know me, and He shouldn't love me so much, but praise God, He does.

"How sweet are your words to my taste?  Sweeter than honey to my mouth!"  Psalm 119:103

Take some time to peek into the Bible for yourself.  You will be shocked at what God opens up to you.  I also have a book recommendation that I love to use when I pray for my children - and others.  It is compiled by Jodi Berndt and it is called Praying the Scriptures for Your Children.  It is broken up into sections and there are lists of Scriptures, straight from the Word, to pray over your children.  It is powerful and I love my copy.  Obviously, you could compile these lists yourself from the Bible, which is what Jodi did - in this case, she has done the work for you.  Check it out.

Back to the Basics

I have had some down time the last couple of weeks.  Recovering from something private, something that I am not quite ready to share publicly yet.  Something that has given me much time to think, to pray, to ponder.  I have had more time than usual these past couple of weeks to read my Bible, seek the face of the One who loves me more than any other, and listen to some amazing speakers in lieu of going to "church."  All in all, it has been a good time of reflection.  Can that happen in the midst of pain?  I will testify that it can.  

According to Francis Chan, these are the scariest verses in the New Testament: 

Matthew 25
31 “When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, then he will sit on his glorious throne. 32 Before him will be gathered all the nations, and he will separate people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. 33 And he will place the sheep on his right, but the goats on the left. 34 Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. 35 For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, 36 I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.’ 37 Then the righteous will answer him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? 38 And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? 39 And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?’ 40 And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.’
41 “Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. 42 For I was hungry and you gave me no food, I was thirsty and you gave me no drink, 43 I was a stranger and you did not welcome me, naked and you did not clothe me, sick and in prison and you did not visit me.’ 44 Then they also will answer, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and did not minister to you?’ 45 Then he will answer them, saying, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to me.’ 46 And these will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life.”

I will add to them these verses found written in the book authored by our Savior's own brother. 

James 2

¹⁴ What good is it, my brothers, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can that faith save him? ¹⁵ If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food, ¹⁶ and one of you says to them, “Go in peace, be warmed and filled,” without giving them the things needed for the body, what good is that? ¹⁷ So also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.
¹⁸ But someone will say, “You have faith and I have works.” Show me your faith apart from your works, and I will show you my faith by my works. ¹⁹ You believe that God is one; you do well. Even the demons believe—and shudder!  (emphasis mine)

Neither of these passages refers to "earning" our salvation.  God forbid we ever fall for the heresy that tells us that there is anything "good enough" inside of us.  "All of our good deeds are as filthy rags before the throne."  Believing that salvation can be earned will always leave you frustrated, overwhelmed, and despairing.  Salvation is a gift, free to all who will receive it - never earned and never lost.  It is wholly dependent on the One who bore our sins in His body - we were dead in our transgressions and He redeemed us.  He loved us first.

The end.

It is finished.

However, anyone who tells you that "all" you have to do is walk an aisle, repeat a prayer, and go home to be a "christian" is also deceived.  Re-read verse 19 of James 2, "Even the demons believe - and shudder!"  Friends, the devil believes in God, he believes in Jesus, and He knows that the Bible is true.  He is NOT saved!!! 

Jesus changes you.  Always.  If your salvation experience didn't leave you changed, you must ask yourself if you really had one.  Sanctification is a process, never complete until we meet Him face to face.  We will slip, we will stumble, we will never on this earth be perfect.   What we must be though, is in forward motion.  Head knowledge is not the same as salvation.  An emotional experience is not the same as salvation.  I know this from experience.  I lived my entire childhood, teenage life and the early years of my 20s with head knowledge and emotional experiences.  But, I remember as clearly as if it happened yesterday the moment I was truly changed.  There was no fanfare, it wasn't at a revival, it wasn't at an alter call - it was in the quiet places of my heart and it was more real than anything I have ever experienced.  Since then I have make some major mistakes in my life, my mothering, my marriage.  I have still nagged my husband and yelled at my children.  I am far, far from the person I want to be.  One thing I have not done though is look back at my "old self."  It is gone, washed clean, and being renewed day by day.  

The above verses are not meant to replace your salvation experience.  They come after that.  They tell us how our life is meant to be lived in representation of Jesus.  In Acts chapter 2 we read about the early church and we see that the way they lived was a clear representation of Christ.  It was "proof" that He lived, died, and was resurrected.  I heard Francis Chan speak recently and he posed the question, "If someone who only had the Bible and had never attended church walked into an American church building today, would what they saw there be proof that Jesus lived, died, and was resurrected?"  That question would make me laugh if it were not so serious.  Most often today the "church" is pointed to as "proof" that the Bible is false.  The way we shoot our own wounded, turn our backs on the needy among us, and back bite with each other is enough to make those of us who love Jesus with all of our hearts not want to go to church - much less those who don't know Him at all.

Go back and re-read the above verses.  What does God expect of us as believers?  It is so simple really and I am very afraid many of us have missed it.  When Jesus was asked the most important commandment, here is what He said, ²⁹ Jesus answered, “The most important is, ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. ³⁰ And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ ³¹ The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.”

"No other commandment greater than these."  Why is that?  Probably because if you are doing this, there is no room in your life to break the other ones.  If you truly love your neighbor as yourself  you won't be tempted to kill him, or lie to him, or covet his wife.  If you truly love God with all of your heart, soul, mind, and strength you will do what He commands - which we can see from the above verses is pretty simple - feed the hungry, clothe the naked, visit the sick and those in prison.

Could it be this simple?  Why have we made it so hard?

Why have we made it about multi-million dollar buildings, entertainment, lights and concerts?  Why have we made it about "canned Bible studies" where other people tell us what God meant by what He said.  I think He meant exactly what He said and we really don't need any interpretation.

"Feed the hungry, clothe the naked, visit the sick and those in prison.  Care for the widow and the orphan."

What about their souls, you ask?  Shouldn't we tell them about Christ?  Of course we should, but let's be honest, if you are a mom who is forced to feed rocks to your baby in order to fill the void and stop the crying and someone fat from their last meal comes along to "preach" at you about how much Jesus loves you and your need to pray the "sinner's prayer" so you don't go to hell - what is your response going to be?  These people already live in their own hell and probably can't fathom anything much worse than watching their precious babies starve to death right in front of their eyes.  I think that for too long we have separated "them" from "us" and somehow we have come to believe that these people in desperate need are less than human.  We don't realize that they have dreams, hopes, and goals for their children - just like we do.  We don't realize that they love their babies with the same deep mother's passion as we love ours.  Somehow we have come to believe that their babies are not as important as ours.  This is a dangerous disconnect, because it makes us apathetic.  It makes us not care as much, because let's face it - caring so much sucks.  It hurts, it takes the fun out of everything, and it makes you more than a little bit depressed.  Going out to eat just doesn't taste as good anymore.  

Personally, I am so sick of church building projects, children and youth programs aimed at entertaining our young people too death in the name of Jesus, and justifications about not being able to "save the world."  The early church didn't make excuses.  Scripture tells us that they  "devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers.⁴³ And awe came upon every soul, and many wonders and signs were being done through the apostles. ⁴⁴ And all who believed were together and had all things in common. ⁴⁵ And they were selling their possessions and belongings and distributing the proceeds to all, as any had need. ⁴⁶ And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts, ⁴⁷ praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were being saved."

For far too long we have pretended like God expects more of us than He really does.  His expectations are far more simple than we would like to believe.  Saving people is NOT our job, check out verse 47 "And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were being saved" - living lives that glorify Him is truly what He expects and He clearly tells us how to do that.  Let's stop making it so hard and just start glorifying Him with our lives.  Loving Him, loving our families, and loving those made in His image all over the world.  Truly, if we all did that no one would be able to resist His call.

Merry Christmas

"The people who walked in darkness
    have seen a great light;
those who dwelt in a land of deep darkness,
    on them has light shone."  Isaiah 9:2

Emmanuel.

God with us.

This first part of the passage is not often included.  Normally, we just hear the description of Jesus that comes after - Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.  I love those phrases, the thought of God made flesh, dwelling with us.  But, what about before that?  Into what kind of world did this God-man enter?  

I submit to you that it was a world much like ours.  A world that was confusing to those who lived in it.  Worse than confusing - disturbing, horrifying, and just plain sad.  A world where innocent life is snuffed out, where mothers bury their children, and where there is sickness, tragedy, and death.

"those who dwelt in a land of deep darkness....."

We live in a land of deep darkness.  I don't really think we are that much different than the generations who have gone before us.  Since the fall, we have drifted further and further from our original purpose.  We have turned our backs and defiantly shaken our fists in the face of the One who loves us so much.  The One who created us and therefore has the right to make the rules.  All He wanted was one thing.  For us to glorify Him.  Simple, it seems, yet apparently not so much.  The sin that entered in way back in the garden still burns an insidious path through our souls.  We can't seem to shake it - even those of us who truly want to.  It is always there - lurking and simmering under the surface, ready to rear its nasty head at the most inopportune times.

Christmas.

One of the most stressful seasons of the year for many of us.  The time that should be "jolly" is often full of tears.  They are streaming at my house as I type these words.  Over tired, too much sugar, too much anticipation, selfishness, desiring things to go the way we planned, too much commercialism.  Whatever the "excuse" the result is the same.

"the people who walked in darkness..."

We walk in darkness and in many ways we will until Jesus returns or calls us home.  However, God offers us a Kingdom that can not be shaken.  He offers us the Kingdom of His great light.  He still stands over our sin and beckons us to come.  He still only truly desires one thing.  That we glorify Him.  Simple really, but not so easy in the day to day.  We have to make wise choices minute by minute.  We have to take up our cross and we have to follow Him.  We have to focus our eyes on Him.  We have to look at His selfless sacrifice and make sacrifices of our own.  Sacrifice our desires, our goals, our ambitions.  Put them on the alter and choose to love.  Love those around us who don't act in a lovely manner.  Alter our goals and plans in order to meet the needs of those who dwell in this land of darkness.  Those who we can touch with the hands and feet of Jesus.

The baby that was born on that night over 2,000 years ago came for one purpose.  To show us the way to the Father.  To show us what sacrificial love looks like.  God entered in.  He was here, He lived in this world of great darkness and on us light has shone.

This Christmas and for every one that follows may we remember that the light has shone on us.  We have the opportunity to glorify the One who created us.  Jesus - Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, the Prince of Peace.

Merry Christmas, may the peace of the season cover you and fill you with everlasting comfort, and may you walk in His glorious Kingdom of Light.

Brokenness

Our two year old has started saying something that really bothers me.  Of course, when a two year old says anything you have to ask yourself one question, "Where did he hear that?"  Two year olds have very few original thoughts that do not involve wanting food or not wanting to go to bed.  Most of what my two year old says he has heard someone in our family say or he has heard it on a television show.

So, recently, we had to take our dog to the vet because she has three infected nail beds on one of her feet and is in a lot of pain.  She was limping and Patrick looked at her and said, "Louise is broken.  Let's get new dog."  He is very verbal for his age, and just starting to experiment with his own thoughts, but still most of what he says is mimicked.

Now, I am pretty sure that no one in our family has suggested that we throw our family pet away for a "new one."  I have been giving a lot of thought to why he would say such a thing.  Then, this morning, we were looking out our bedroom window, marveling at the stunning mountain peaks all around and talking about all that God made.  Patrick glances over into our neighbor's yard which is a seriously cool kid's yard with a sport court, pool, green grass, and playground equipment to rival any park he has ever been to.  He immediately says, "I go play park."  I explained that the "park" belonged to our neighbors and maybe one day he would be invited over to play.  He stuck out his lip and said, "Our house broken.  I want new house."  Then, he finished off his mini tantrum by pointing his chubby finger and saying, "I want that house."

Uh oh.  Again, I am pretty sure no one in our family has been coveting our neighbor's house - though the yard is pretty sweet.  However, somewhere along the way our two year old has gotten the idea that when you are not happy with what you have or when something breaks, you demand something better - something "new."

I am not yet entirely sure how this mentality has been passed on to him, but I can assure you that now that I am aware of it, I will be intentionally making sure that he changes his way of thinking.  I will be paying much closer attention to what he is watching on television (did you know kid's shows are pretty full of demanding little whiny brats?) and I will be listening a lot closer to what comes out of all of our mouths (including mine).  Maybe one day my closet full of clothes wasn't good enough and I made the comment, in front of little ears, that I needed new ones.  In fact, I have never needed any clothes at all - wanted something new, yes, needed it....never.  Our little ones are listening to every single word out of our mouths - and I am convicted that I need to think a little deeper before opening mine.

Another thing that has come to mind as I have been contemplating this issue in our home is that maybe, just maybe, the slippery slope our nation is on right now came about in baby steps.  There is a Casting Crowns song called "Slow Fade" and one of the lines is, "families never crumble in a day."  Most of the moral issues in our society have come about as right and wrong slowly faded into gray.  We didn't just wake up one morning to a society in complete moral decay.  It has happened slowly and maybe it happened just like this.  Children who began to somehow believe that they were "entitled" to something that belonged to someone else.  Pregnant women who somehow found it acceptable to have an abortion rather than receive the blessing of a baby with Downs Syndrome or some other need that our society calls "imperfect."  They decided to try again for a "new one" instead of loving a "broken" one.

When Patrick asked for a new dog, I gently explained in two year old language that Louise has been with us for a long time and now she is getting old.  We will take care of her as long as she is alive because we love her.  I explained that we would take care of anyone else in our family even if they got "broken" or sick because we love each other.  Everyone is perfectly made in God's image and He never makes mistakes.  This is the lesson I desire to pass on to my children and I am thankful that Patrick made it clear that I need to be more careful about watching every word that comes out of my mouth and more intentional about diligently teaching him, and all of my children, these very simple truths.

God makes no mistakes - we are all precious in His sight.

Weary

Could God's creation be any more glorious?  I stand amazed at the depth of creativity and beauty He put into the earth.  We recently hiked the Bright Angel Trail down into the Grand Canyon.  There are simply no words for the stunning, majestic beauty of this place.  Anyone who can stand on the rim of this monstrous work of the Creator and still spout the garbage about how "over millions of years, the Colorado River wove this canyon from the mountains..."  Seriously?  Even my two year old's mouth gaped open.  There is no single river wide enough or deep enough to weave the Grand Canyon all on its own.  Sorry to be the one to break the news.

Anyway, I am really not feeling very creative today - despite the amazing hike we had this week and what we have seen, so I am just going to have to tell it like I am thinking it today. Today, I am feeling drained, empty, and angry at the effects of sin in the world.  This morning, our pastor started a new series about our identity in Christ.  Today, he spoke about the fact that God created humans in His own image.  All humans - those still in rebellion against Him and those of us who are redeemed.  It is called the Imago Dei - or the image of Christ.  We all bear it, to some degree.  It explains why even those who are hostile towards a relationship with God at all can still do good things, creative things.  We all bear the image of our Creator, even those who don't want to admit it.

Over the next weeks, we will talk about fallen humanity and the sin that so easily entangles.  Yes, there is good news - there is redemption and there is grace.  Today, though, I am stuck on the sin.  Everywhere I turn I am being asked to pray about one situation or another.  I love to pray for others, if you ask me to pray for you, I promise I will do it.  I love watching how God works through the prayers of His saints.  Right now, though, I feel burdened by the weight of the requests that I have recently received and the things I see going on all around me.

There is death and chaos and evil in the case of the Colorado shooting.  There is constant bickering and backbiting over the Chik Fil A corporation and its views on gay marriage - as if that has any bearing at all on a chicken sandwich.  There are adoption issues abounding, including one precious little girl from Bulgaria who at twelve years old weighs a mere twelve pounds.  Her forever family is right this second on a flight somewhere between North Carolina and Bulgaria, praying that God would  breathe life into her frail body just so she can make it home to the hospital.  There is adultery and abuse and fathers who abandon their families.  There are broken friendships and mental illness.  There is distance in marriage relationships that should be thriving.  There is confusion among young adults and despair in their relationships with their parents.

This is just my personal prayer list.

I just got home from a trip to the grocery store alone.  Some of you moms know how monumental that statement is.  I couldn't even enjoy it though, because my heart is aching so badly today.  I just started crying out to God in prayer and all of a sudden I started sobbing and couldn't stop.  I am ashamed to admit it, but it has been a long time since I was truly broken like that over the weight of sin.  All of the things on my prayer list started flashing through my mind.  My own sins started flashing by.  I saw Jesus on the cross and the crushing weight that He had to endure because of the fall.  I saw the pain etched on His face.  I don't think it was physical pain that made Him so broken (though the physical pain was certainly more than we can even imagine), but I think it was the emotional pain of sin that weighed Him down that day.  The Son of God, bearing the brunt of all the sins of mankind.  I don't think we can even begin to take that in.

I literally could not breathe and I almost had to pull the car over.  In fact, I should have pulled the car over.  I was gasping for breath.  I have only had this type of experience a few times in my life, though truly, I should have it every day.

When I allow myself to stop and ponder and truly try to take in all that little Amelia has been through in her life.  Twelve years old and she has spent all of those years in a crib.  Drugged, starved, and neglected.  She has suffered like this at the hands of the adults who were supposed to care for her. She has been left alone for twelve years in the orphanage where she was supposed to be cared for.  Can you begin to wrap your mind around that?   If you are like me, you don't want to wrap your mind around it.  But, we must.  Twelve long, excruciating years, this little treasure has been unseen, not cared for, and hopeless.  At the hands of other humans.  The injustice in that makes me furious!

We have multiple personal friends in our lives right now dealing with abandonment, depression, adultery, and other marital issues.  The enemy is slithering along, looking for the chink in our armour.  When he finds it, he pounces.  Men are abandoning their families at alarming rates and the ones who are devastated the most are the children.  Sons and daughters who now must navigate their teen years with no father figure.  Children who grow up and believe that all men leave.  Scarred by the man who was supposed to protect them and now scared of commitment and relationships.  Can we blame them?  We live in a world where marriage is disposable, but no one seems to notice the children who are destroyed in the wake of our selfish emotions.  Where are the real men?  The ones who stay and fight for their families - no.matter.what!!  I know they exist, but they are becoming fewer and fewer.  Men, your children need you.  No matter how old they are, divorce rips at the very fabric of their hearts and souls.  It sets them adrift and makes them feel like nothing in life can ever be sure.  It damages every other relationship in their lives - forever.  There is very little sure in this world besides Jesus, but family should also be a sure thing.  Mom and Dad should be a sure thing.  Children crave this - they need it at the same level as air and water.  It soothes their little souls.  My heart is broken today for the children and young adults in our life who are hurting this hurt.  This hurt that is inflicted upon them, through no fault of their own, by adults who should know better.  Adults who are the ones that are responsible for making the mature choice.  And we all know that love is a choice.  Just because our society says it is a feeling, does not make it so.  You don't always feel love, but you can always, always choose it.

I know this post is more rant than anything and I am sorry for that.  I could think of much more to rant about, but I am tired.  Tired of ranting and tired and angry at the injustice and hatred in the world we live in.  Daily, I wonder how much more God is going to take and when He is going to return.  Not soon enough for me, I can assure you, but He is merciful and patient and He waits until the full number are redeemed.  I am glad for that because we have many unsaved friends and family members that I don't want to spend eternity apart from.  But, oh, I am weary and sick when I read the prayer requests in my inbox and when I see the distraught and hopeless looks on the faces and hear it in the voices of those I counsel with.

Jesus is truly the only answer to all of life's issues.  He really is the only One who can save us from our sins and from ourselves.  He loves with an everlasting love and there is no one who is outside of the scope of His grace.  No one.

If you have a prayer request, I would be honored to lift you up to the Father.

Our House

Our New House in the Mountains

Well, you can't really see our new house from the road, so this is the best I could do for a distance shot.  We closed today and I will post some "before" the remodeling pictures soon.  Just so you can see the inside now and later.  There is quite a lot of work to be done in there.

We bought this house for the view.

We figured that since we now live in the desert, we may as well have a desert and mountain view.  This is basically our front yard.  The house was built "backwards" because of the long range mountain views.  So, the back of the house faces the road and has the best long range view from the upstairs deck.  The front of the house faces the desert "green space" (as they call it here) and has the up close view of the mountain you see in the picture.

There is no visible trail on this mountain, but Graham thinks he can take it.  We'll see.

In its own, totally opposite from tropical Florida way, the arid desert is really wild and beautiful.  There is much more green than I imagined there would be and in the Spring all of the cacti flower, which adds a lot of color to the barrenness of it all.  The dark mountains against the stark blue of the cloudless sky is really breathtaking.

Our master bedroom is upstairs and I am SO excited about the view.  The whole room is basically a bank of windows and seriously, I may just stay up there all the time.  It is that gorgeous.

The style of the house is the desert adobe look.  It is growing on me.  Inside, there is more of a contemporary feel than I like, so we are working on that in our remodeling.  For the most part, we should be able to bring it back to our more traditional, conservative tastes, while also adding a touch of the southwest.  After all, "when in Rome...."

Overall, though, as thrilled and thankful as I am to be on the last stretch of a move that has spanned almost a year - I know that this is just a house.  Soon, my prayer is to make it a home.  I want to fill it with memories and laughter, like all the other houses we have lived in over the past 17 years.

In the end, though, it is still just a house - brick and mortar (or in this case adobe and plaster).  It is not what is important and God has taught me over the years to hold lightly to "stuff."  I don't want my life too cluttered to hear Him speak.  I don't want my life too filled with junk to make room for the things that matter.  In the words of Francis Chan, "Our greatest fear in life should not be of failure, but  of succeeding at things in life that don't really matter."

I want to succeed at the things in life that have eternal value.  I want my children to walk closely and unashamedly with Jesus.  I want my marriage to be a strong earthly representation of Christ and His Bride. I want our home and arms to be open to those who need shelter and unconditional love.  I want to be willing and able to walk away from the "stuff" to follow His call - to the ends of the earth.

 I am thankful beyond words for my Heavenly Father who provided this home and my husband who works so hard for us.  However, no matter where we live, the most important thing is that we are a family, striving to live lives that glorify our Creator.  Even when we fall and even when life gets tough.  When all is said and done, that will truly be all that ever mattered in the first place.

Africa in Her Heart

My baby girl is in love.  With a country.  Bryce's trip to Africa has changed her life.  I knew it would.  I knew she would come back broken.  I became infatuated with Ethiopia years and years ago.  I have read books about the culture, I have looked at thousands of pictures online of the landscape and the people.  In recent years, I have scoured adoption blogs of people who have adopted from there and read their stories over and over and over.  I love a place I have never even been and I have talked about it so much that all of my children have a curiosity about it, too.

Now, Bryce has been there. She has endured the endless flight. She has smelled the potent combination of diesel, animal waste, and coffee and she has and felt the dirt on her feet.  She has heard the sounds - animal noises, honking horns, harsh voices talking in Amharic - sounding angry, even when they aren't.  She has seen the faces of the beautiful people who live there, seen the joy that radiates from their very souls, and touched their beautiful cocoa colored skin.  She has held their hands and washed their feet.

She is hopelessly smitten.

She left part of her heart on that continent and she is plotting her way back, even now.  I truly think that if given the opportunity, she would be on the next flight over - one way.  She is convinced God is going to call her to live there and I wouldn't be surprised.  I have heard from her group leaders that she had a special grace about being there.  Everyone in the group was not thrilled to be in Africa.  Many were there out of pure and simple obedience.  God told them to go and go they did.  I admire them for that.  Obviously, God had something for them to do and/or learn there.  They obeyed and He was glorified.

Bryce, on the other hand, loved it all - even the horrible parts.  She loved the food, she loved the sounds and smells.  She loved, loved, loved the kids.  Especially the older ones.  The street boys that no one typically wants to engage.  The older girls that have been through things that we can't even imagine.  These were the ones who most tugged at her heart.  Sure, she loved hugging on those little babies - their precious smiles lighting up the room.  Sure, they were cute and cuddly, but everyone loves them.  She felt God drawing her towards the ones usually overlooked.  The older boys, who have been raised on the streets - skeptical, maybe even dishonest.  The teenage girl who had been repeatedly raped and abused, but has now found her way to a place where she is getting help, learning about Jesus.

I am so proud of my girl.  She got on that plane all by herself, with NO hesitation whatsoever.  No anxiety about being with a group of people she didn't know for ten days.  No reservations about whether or not God had called her to go.  Now, she is home, but she is aching.  She is in that place that we all must be at certain points in our lives.  She is wrestling with what God showed her and what He wants her to do.

Sometimes I notice her, fingering the necklace that she wears all the time now.  The one she bought in the country - a flattened piece of gold shaped like Africa.  She rubs it and her mind goes back there - across the ocean to a beautiful, yet desperate place.  A place that God has forever forged into her soul. A place where the poverty and destitution is overwhelmed by the deep, abiding joy that spills out of the people.  People, unstained by the greed and excess of life in America.  People that God has blessed immensely with His very presence.  Oh, we may look like we have it all while they look destitute, but I think Bryce would agree that we have a lot to learn about what it means to trust God and live lives full of pure, unadulterated JOY.

Bryce's blog address is www.christianbryce.wordpress.com - please visit her there and hear about her experiences in her own words.  She is a WAY better writer than her mom.  You will be blessed.