Weary

Could God's creation be any more glorious?  I stand amazed at the depth of creativity and beauty He put into the earth.  We recently hiked the Bright Angel Trail down into the Grand Canyon.  There are simply no words for the stunning, majestic beauty of this place.  Anyone who can stand on the rim of this monstrous work of the Creator and still spout the garbage about how "over millions of years, the Colorado River wove this canyon from the mountains..."  Seriously?  Even my two year old's mouth gaped open.  There is no single river wide enough or deep enough to weave the Grand Canyon all on its own.  Sorry to be the one to break the news.

Anyway, I am really not feeling very creative today - despite the amazing hike we had this week and what we have seen, so I am just going to have to tell it like I am thinking it today. Today, I am feeling drained, empty, and angry at the effects of sin in the world.  This morning, our pastor started a new series about our identity in Christ.  Today, he spoke about the fact that God created humans in His own image.  All humans - those still in rebellion against Him and those of us who are redeemed.  It is called the Imago Dei - or the image of Christ.  We all bear it, to some degree.  It explains why even those who are hostile towards a relationship with God at all can still do good things, creative things.  We all bear the image of our Creator, even those who don't want to admit it.

Over the next weeks, we will talk about fallen humanity and the sin that so easily entangles.  Yes, there is good news - there is redemption and there is grace.  Today, though, I am stuck on the sin.  Everywhere I turn I am being asked to pray about one situation or another.  I love to pray for others, if you ask me to pray for you, I promise I will do it.  I love watching how God works through the prayers of His saints.  Right now, though, I feel burdened by the weight of the requests that I have recently received and the things I see going on all around me.

There is death and chaos and evil in the case of the Colorado shooting.  There is constant bickering and backbiting over the Chik Fil A corporation and its views on gay marriage - as if that has any bearing at all on a chicken sandwich.  There are adoption issues abounding, including one precious little girl from Bulgaria who at twelve years old weighs a mere twelve pounds.  Her forever family is right this second on a flight somewhere between North Carolina and Bulgaria, praying that God would  breathe life into her frail body just so she can make it home to the hospital.  There is adultery and abuse and fathers who abandon their families.  There are broken friendships and mental illness.  There is distance in marriage relationships that should be thriving.  There is confusion among young adults and despair in their relationships with their parents.

This is just my personal prayer list.

I just got home from a trip to the grocery store alone.  Some of you moms know how monumental that statement is.  I couldn't even enjoy it though, because my heart is aching so badly today.  I just started crying out to God in prayer and all of a sudden I started sobbing and couldn't stop.  I am ashamed to admit it, but it has been a long time since I was truly broken like that over the weight of sin.  All of the things on my prayer list started flashing through my mind.  My own sins started flashing by.  I saw Jesus on the cross and the crushing weight that He had to endure because of the fall.  I saw the pain etched on His face.  I don't think it was physical pain that made Him so broken (though the physical pain was certainly more than we can even imagine), but I think it was the emotional pain of sin that weighed Him down that day.  The Son of God, bearing the brunt of all the sins of mankind.  I don't think we can even begin to take that in.

I literally could not breathe and I almost had to pull the car over.  In fact, I should have pulled the car over.  I was gasping for breath.  I have only had this type of experience a few times in my life, though truly, I should have it every day.

When I allow myself to stop and ponder and truly try to take in all that little Amelia has been through in her life.  Twelve years old and she has spent all of those years in a crib.  Drugged, starved, and neglected.  She has suffered like this at the hands of the adults who were supposed to care for her. She has been left alone for twelve years in the orphanage where she was supposed to be cared for.  Can you begin to wrap your mind around that?   If you are like me, you don't want to wrap your mind around it.  But, we must.  Twelve long, excruciating years, this little treasure has been unseen, not cared for, and hopeless.  At the hands of other humans.  The injustice in that makes me furious!

We have multiple personal friends in our lives right now dealing with abandonment, depression, adultery, and other marital issues.  The enemy is slithering along, looking for the chink in our armour.  When he finds it, he pounces.  Men are abandoning their families at alarming rates and the ones who are devastated the most are the children.  Sons and daughters who now must navigate their teen years with no father figure.  Children who grow up and believe that all men leave.  Scarred by the man who was supposed to protect them and now scared of commitment and relationships.  Can we blame them?  We live in a world where marriage is disposable, but no one seems to notice the children who are destroyed in the wake of our selfish emotions.  Where are the real men?  The ones who stay and fight for their families - no.matter.what!!  I know they exist, but they are becoming fewer and fewer.  Men, your children need you.  No matter how old they are, divorce rips at the very fabric of their hearts and souls.  It sets them adrift and makes them feel like nothing in life can ever be sure.  It damages every other relationship in their lives - forever.  There is very little sure in this world besides Jesus, but family should also be a sure thing.  Mom and Dad should be a sure thing.  Children crave this - they need it at the same level as air and water.  It soothes their little souls.  My heart is broken today for the children and young adults in our life who are hurting this hurt.  This hurt that is inflicted upon them, through no fault of their own, by adults who should know better.  Adults who are the ones that are responsible for making the mature choice.  And we all know that love is a choice.  Just because our society says it is a feeling, does not make it so.  You don't always feel love, but you can always, always choose it.

I know this post is more rant than anything and I am sorry for that.  I could think of much more to rant about, but I am tired.  Tired of ranting and tired and angry at the injustice and hatred in the world we live in.  Daily, I wonder how much more God is going to take and when He is going to return.  Not soon enough for me, I can assure you, but He is merciful and patient and He waits until the full number are redeemed.  I am glad for that because we have many unsaved friends and family members that I don't want to spend eternity apart from.  But, oh, I am weary and sick when I read the prayer requests in my inbox and when I see the distraught and hopeless looks on the faces and hear it in the voices of those I counsel with.

Jesus is truly the only answer to all of life's issues.  He really is the only One who can save us from our sins and from ourselves.  He loves with an everlasting love and there is no one who is outside of the scope of His grace.  No one.

If you have a prayer request, I would be honored to lift you up to the Father.