Awesome, Awesome God

I haven't blogged in so long and I have so much to catch you up on in our lives (if anyone is still reading).  Our oldest started college in August and I have much to say about that.  They are doing well and I will write more about how I am doing later.

Stan's company sold to another company so there are changes on the horizon in that regard as well.  We are waiting on God's timing, so that's about all there is to say on that.

School is in full swing for Lyndsey and Graham - again, we're hanging in there.

Patrick is growing by leaps and bounds.  He is a delight to our entire family and truly, we all credit him with holding us together these past two years.  This move has been the hardest thing we have faced as a family - and Patrick has made us laugh every day.  For that, and a million other reasons, we thank God daily for drawing us down the path to adoption.

I have started participating in a BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) class this year.  I have never attended BSF before and oh my goodness - God is ripping me open.  We are studying Matthew and let's be honest - all Christians have read Matthew.  It is the first book in the New Testament and one of the gospels.  I have read it to my kids a dozen times at least.  I will be honest, I was hoping for Revelation or something like that.  But God......He knew that I needed Matthew.  Oh yes, I did.  I needed to examine my own life.  You see, I have been a church goer my entire life - my sister and I the only youth in the Sunday night services our entire teenage lives.  I was quite a little Pharisee.  I have been a true follower of Jesus with a living, active personal relationship for 17 years.  He is everything to me now.  Everything. I don't go around murdering people, committing adultery, and stealing things.  At least I didn't think I did.  Well, let me tell you - God has insisted these past few weeks that I take a deeper look at myself.  That I realize that I am WAY worse than I think I am.  That truly, deep down, I am still a little Pharisee.  The difference now is that I HATE it.  I have no desire to live that way and I surely have no desire to raise five more little Pharisees.  He is cleaning me out and yes, it is painful - but, I am so humbled that He cares enough to do it.  It is ALL about Him and what He has done on the cross - I can't follow all the rules, I can't be good enough - but, the point of the Gospel is that I don't have to.

You see, I am way worse than I think I am, but God's grace goes way, way deeper than I have ever dared believe.

So, with that in mind I want to share just a quick personal story that God used to illustrate to me that He can and does use anyone.  We don't have to fully understand, even the basics.  Oh, the faith of a little child.

I don't like to share very much about the things we "do" for others because truly it is not about us and all of our righteousness is as filthy rags anyway.  Everything we have belongs to Him.  So, please do not hear this story as one of telling what we "did" - please hear it as the telling of how God uses even a little child and then in His graciousness He allows me, as slow as I am sometimes, to get a life illustration from it.

A couple of weeks ago, my parents were in town and we went to Costco.  Anyone who knows my mom will not be surprised - she loves Costco and they don't have one close, so we were just browsing around.  We have some dear friends here in town who have a daughter Ruby - you can go over to their little spot in cyberspace and read all about her and the rest of their treasures - A Place Called Simplicity. If you read today's blog post you can see that our little friend has been selected as the Ambassador for the Arizona chapter of the Cerebral Palsy Foundation.  Ruby is a miracle straight from the hand of the Almighty.  And Ruby is Patrick's very special friend.  He calls her "his girl," he loves it when she comes over and he has never ever even asked why she can't walk.  He stands and talks to her, he loves to make her smile.  He has NO clue she is any different from him - or if he does, it makes him love her all the more.

So anyway, we were walking through the clothing section and they had an entire rack of beautiful sparkly dresses.  Patrick was transfixed in front of this rack of clothing - his eyes were shining.  He said to me, "I have to get one of these dresses for my girl Ruby."  I told him I thought they were pretty and we thumbed through the rack, but honestly I wasn't thinking much about buying one.  We started to walk away and he pulled me back.  Now, the miracle is, he did not throw a fit (which believe me, he is capable of), or cry - but, his eyes were shining and his feet were planted.  By this time, my mom had come up and he said, "Nannie, my girl Ruby, she needs one of these dresses."  Of course, Nannies are different than moms and my mom immediately said, "Well, then we must get her one."  He chose a beautiful hot pink number with crinoline and silver polka dots.

I took it to Ruby the other day and of course her mom thought it was precious.  We chuckled over Patrick's insistence on the dress and then their 14 year old daughter walked into the room.  "Mom," she said.  "We have been praying for Ruby a dress for the gala."  Linny's eyes grew wide.  There is a special banquet to honor Ruby in November for the Cerebral Palsy Foundation and they have been seeking God to find Ruby a dress.  Of course, I had no idea she needed one.

God - the huge, Almighty, Creator of the heavens and the earth, the omniscient, all-powerful, all knowing GOD - reached down and prompted the heart of a three year old child standing in a Phoenix, Arizona Costco.  A three year old, that but for His grace, would not even be part of our family.  He moved Patrick's heart on behalf of another of His precious redeemed, previous orphans to send her a beautiful dress that her family had been praying for.  I can not wrap my mind around that.  Tears flow as I even type.

Friends, He uses anyone He chooses.  Whether we even comprehend what He has done for us.  Patrick is still struggling with whether Jesus lives in his heart or his tummy.  He is still struggling to figure out the difference is what is "real" and not real.  Mickey Mouse is not real, yet he sees him on TV.  Jesus is real, yet He is unseen.  My little guy asks deep questions.  His heart is ripe, his spirit is willing, but he is not there yet.  But, God used him anyway.  And He wants to use you - and me.  In all of our weaknesses and all of our failings - He died for us, He covered our junk, and now He can use us to make this world a better place for as long as we have to endure it.  He can use us to show His glory to every man, woman, and child.

I don't know about you -  but, I want to be used by Him - every single day.  I want to plant my feet like Patrick did and listen to that still small voice and not give up until I obey it.  What about you??

Memorial Box Monday - Faithfulness

If you head over to A Place Called Simplicity, you can read Linny's post on God's faithfulness in her life.  
Today, I would like to share a little bit about my own journey with the Lord.
I was born and raised in a home where church was a very important part of my life.  My sister and I were the only young people consistently in the Sunday evening service.  I so appreciate the foundation that was laid for me during these years.  I distinctly remember being ten years old, praying with our pastor to ask Jesus into my heart and then being baptized.
Sadly, though, more often than not, I did not live like someone who has been saved from certain death and destruction.  My teen years were characterized by selfish and indulgent living.  I cared most about what felt good to me and what my so-called friends thought of me.  I never doubted the existence of Jesus or openly walked away from my faith.  However, to anyone watching, I was not bearing fruit that was consistent with what I claimed to believe.  I also wasn't talking much about what I claimed to believe - but, I was sure warming up the pew every Sunday and Wednesday.
I went on to make some really bad choices early in my college career.  Choices that left me deeply wounded, even though, at the time I was able to disengage from myself and carry on with college life.  Through it all, God was there.  I knew it.  To a certain extent, I was comforted by it, but looking back, I am so ashamed of how callously I regarded His sacrifice.  I lived my life however I pleased, and then actually had the nerve to sit in church each week.  I was a fake and I don't know if I even knew it.
One day, when I was nineteen years old, I found myself standing in a small, gas station bathroom staring at two pink lines on a home pregnancy test.  I was a sophomore in college and my world was spinning rapidly out of control!
One month later, I was a married sophomore in college, expecting a baby.  Now, I can honestly say that there was never a day that I was disappointed I was having a baby.  I was sick of the party scene; I had been living it for far too long already.  I talked big about wanting a career, but truly, I wanted to be a mom.  I always had.  True, this wasn't how I had envisioned it would happen, but my family was supportive, I was going to finish college, we weren't going to starve, and I was going to be holding a newborn in a few short months!
Where was God, you might wonder?  Well, He was where He always is when His children stray.  Waiting.  Patiently.
I don't know if I was truly a "christian" or not.  Over the years I have tried to analyze that very thing in my head, but I only end up frustrated.  I wasn't living my life to please Christ and though I believed everything you are supposed to believe about Jesus, I had no fear of the Lord, I bore no fruit, and I treated His sacrifice casually.  I am thankful beyond words that I didn't meet Him face to face during that time, because I honestly don't know.
Six months later, after a super fast natural delivery and an emergency c-section, my "baby" turned out to be twins!  Can you say SURPRISE!?!
Again, where was God?  I can tell you exactly where He was on January 25, 1994 - He was in an obscure hospital in North Carolina, protecting the life on a tiny, breech baby boy whose heart rate had, unknown to anyone at the time, completely bottomed out during labor and his very young mom who was hemorrhaging on an operating table.  Sparing our lives so that his tiny sister would grow up with her twin brother and her mom.
Within a few weeks, my very young husband decided that the grass was greener on the single side of the fence and literally overnight, he was gone.
God was still there.  He was still waiting, patiently for me to realize what I didn't have.  Now, don't forget, that through ALL of this, I never missed a Sunday.  I was a faithful church attender and truly I believed.  This is noteworthy because it is so scary to me that I could sit there week after week after week and truly NOT GET IT!!  I was missing the heart of it all.  I was missing the relationship.
But God.......
After my husband left us for another relationship, we lived with my parents.  They were unbelievably supportive and loved their first grandchildren wholeheartedly.  I could not have made it during that time without them by my side.  They provided for us in every way, insisting that I finish my college degree since I only had one semester left at that point.  I stayed home the first nine months and then went back to school a couple of days a week and graduated when Joshua and Bryce were a little over a year old.  
Now, during the time I was at home with my babies and my mom, a young man started attending our church.  I am from a very small town and though the church is large for the area, it is small by most standards.  This young man had started attending the church a few months before, but we had never met.  This is a miracle story all its own, that I don't have time to get into in this post.  Suffice it to say, that man is the man I ended up marrying - less than a year after we met.  It was quick and I wish I could say that at this point we were totally walking with the Lord.  
We weren't.
He moved to Florida, 750 miles from the only place I had ever lived, six months before our wedding and the kids and I moved immediately after.  Succeeding in completely ripping out my parent's hearts.  They have yet to truly forgive Stan.  (I'm partly kidding.)  Our first year of marriage was horrendous.  I have several posts under the topic of Marriage that further describe our journey.  For the purposes of this post, I will just say that God was still there and He was still waiting.
I was attending Bible studies and meeting people in our new city.  Remember, I could talk the church talk. What I wasn't prepared for were women who talked about Jesus as if He were right there at the park with us.  Women who wanted to stop in the middle of the playground and pray for our husbands.  I was completely blown away!!
Now, God was moving.  Now, my heart was ready.  Seriously?  Could it have taken all of that to prepare my heart?  I am still in shock at how hardened it must have been.
I don't even think those sweet ladies had a clue that I didn't have a personal relationship with Christ.  I don't know to this day if they have a clue how God used them, but one day I got it!  It just clicked.  I stood in church one Sunday morning, like a million mornings before, and the Holy Spirit washed over me in a completely tangible way.  I remember the feeling as distinctly right now as I type as if it happened yesterday, instead of over sixteen years ago.
All the guilt and shame of my life prior to that day took me to my knees.  I could not believe I had missed it!  However, as God does, He spoke to me in that moment and offered to completely wipe away all of that.  He tenderly whispered that this was the day He had been waiting for.  I had never felt so clean.  I knew then and there that I wanted my whole life to be about Him and Him alone.
Everything changed.  My marriage - that took some time, we were in pretty bad shape, but together, we gave it to God.  The way I was raising my children - it became my mission to see that they never played the church game.  I wanted them to live authentic, on mission with God lives.  The first thing God did was call us to home school - loudly and clearly He said it.  We have never looked back.  
Through it all, He was there.  He was drawing, softening, whispering.  He never yelled, He never forced.  And He never gave up.
He is ever faithful.  Ever loving.  A decade and a half later, I am still amazed and in awe of His sacrifice for me.  Me, who, even though I knew better, scoffed at it, didn't appreciate it, and treated it with casual indifference.  Me, who deserved nothing good - gained everything that day.  
Now, as I have walked with Him all these years, through valleys and up to mountaintops, one thing has remained.  He is faithful.  Even when I lose heart and threaten to give in to despair, He never wavers.  I can not begin to explain how much I love Him.  He is absolutely everything to me and my heart's desire is to live a life that pleases Him, in every way.  I never want my Abba to be disappointed.  Not because I think He will stop loving me or to try to "earn" anything.  Simply because I adore Him.
Thank you Jesus.  Thank you for not leaving me where I was.

Memorial Box Monday - God is Ever Faithful

I have never done a Memorial Box Monday post and I will have to confess that I do not have a Memorial Box, though I am intrigued by the concept and definitely plan to get one.

If you have never heard of Memorial Box Monday, you can check out A Place Called Simplicity to find out more!



Since this is my first Memorial Box post, I just want to start with something that is huge in our lives, but not as specific as a "one time" happening.  

This sweet face daily reminds me of how faithful our God is.  (What do you suggest I put in the box to represent him?  I don't think he will fit OR stay put!)
Ever since I was a little girl I have wanted to adopt.  I wish it had started out more spiritual, but truly I just loved babies and thought little girls from China looked like dolls and I wanted one.  God took that small seed and He grew it into a huge passion.  Today, other than raising godly children, my greatest desire is to be a voice for the orphan.  Their little faces haunt my dreams and I want to bring them all home to live with me.  I want to see smiles light up their little faces and that desperate look gone from their eyes.  Seriously, I can't imagine ever saying the words, "I'm done."
This little guy is the first of what I hope will be many children adopted into our family.  Every time I look at our Patrick I see the culmination of my "little girl" dreams.  I see the answer to many desperate prayers.  Prayers I prayed for the child I knew was out there and for my husband who took a little longer to get on the "adoption" boat.  (He is "all in" now, and THAT is another Memorial Box post!)
I thank God daily for answering my prayers with this sweet, precious boy.  He lights up our home and our lives and our four biological children all agree that they can not imagine life without their baby brother.  They are all passionate about the orphan as well and are all excited about adopting children into their own families someday.  And they are all in favor of more and more siblings!  We are SO incredibly blessed!
You can read more about our adoption journey at the top of the Home page, but my point today is that God is faithful to answer our prayers - in His timing.  Currently, we are praying for our next adoption.  We have been praying for a little boy we thought may be ours, but in His sovereignty, God has placed him with another family.  We are thrilled that this little guy has a forever home and we continue to trust the faithfulness of our loving Heavenly Father as we pray for Him to bring us the rest of our family.