School Daze

I wish I could proclaim the beginning of our 2011-2012 school year with great excitement.  I wish I could tell you that my kids and I are jumping out of bed in anticipation.  I wish that I were as excited as I used to be for that fresh notebook paper and perfectly sharpened pencil smell.

I wish....

Alas, though, I am all about keeping it real and for real, I am NOT excited.  I love being home with my kids and I love the fact that they are home with me 24/7.  Truly, I love it.  And believe me I would tell you if I didn't.  I can not even bear the thought of not having them with me all day.  In fact, my oldest are seniors now, and they will have four mornings a week of college classes this year.  I am excited for this new stage in their lives, but I miss them when they are gone.

However, the thought of math books, schedules, and reading lessons is making me cringe.  I love learning and I love education.  I love snuggling up with a good book and reading to my kids for hours.  I love doing projects (not too crafty or messy, please) and I love field trips.  What I don't love is the fact that my 9 year old is having trouble with reading and I don't know how to help him.  Therefore, his personality causes him to lose it frequently and dissolve in tears.  I don't love that my 13 year old doesn't like to read, therefore, she doesn't really seem to enjoy learning like my older ones did and I can't seem to figure out how to make it fun for her.  And as much as I LOVE LOVE LOVE our precious little toddler - I don't love that schooling with a 15 month old in the house is never too much fun!  It is all coming back to me from the two times before when I have done it.  Patrick is a wonderful, happy baby, but he is curious and busy and walking!  He can't be left alone for very long and that throws quite a wrench into my "schooling" time.

God is also doing some other things in my life right now.  Cleansing, pruning, stretching.  Getting me WAY out of my comfort zone and asking me the hard questions.  Will I trust Him?  I know the way He is working in my life will bring about that which is good for me, but boy, walking in the wilderness is never really a fun place to be.

All these things combine into a swirl of stuff that makes me a little anxious about the beginning of the school year.  This year marks my 14th "beginning" of the school year.  Some years I am tapping my feet in excitement and some years I am dreading it.  This year, I am frankly not excited or full of dread.  It is simply going to be one of those years that we wake up each morning and put one foot in front of the other.  There will be times of joy and laughter and there will be tears.  I am acknowledging up front that I know I can't do it all.  Some things that I hope to accomplish this year will not happen, but my prayer today and every day of this school year is that my kids grow closer to Christ.  I pray that they follow Him no matter where He leads and that they know that He works all things together for the good of those who love Him.  If that is all we accomplish this year, then we will all be better off next May.

Happy Schooling!!