I was about to title this post, "Moving" and then for some strange technological reason that I would never understand if you tried to explain it to me, my computer added the word "On" to the title. I am going to go with it, and maybe you will see why as I write.
I was just spending some time reading my friend Jill's blog over at Mrs. Doulamom. Jill and I are kindred spirits. I first heard of her a year or so after I moved to Naples, when I was in a Bible Study with her mother in law. Jill and her husband did not live in Naples at the time, but the first thing her mother in law said to me is, "You should meet my daughter in law. You guys sound just alike." I am from NC and Jill is from Georgia. Soon, their family moved to Naples. Sure enough, we do sound alike, we even kind of look alike, and we most definitely think alike!
We have been friends since she had only one son. I had three children when we met. Soon, I got pregnant with our fourth son and they started the adoption process. Our Graham and their Liza-Hill share a birthday, and their third child is only 13 months younger and he is one of Graham's best buddies. Since then, Jill has given birth four more times and we have adopted our youngest little guy. So, between us, we have eleven children - they are up one, but we are doing our best to remedy that!
A few months before Stan took this job in Arizona, their family accepted a job transfer and moved to Knoxville, Tennessee. Jill and I are both very playful, laid back, spontaneous, go with the flow kind of people. I think both of us convinced ourselves that moving would be a great adventure. We would see new places, have great fun with our kids, and of course, visit each other often! Her mom even said to me one day, "It couldn't happen to anyone more cut out for it then you and Jill. You two can handle it."
My prideful self agreed with her.
Now, three months later I sit here and I am just not so sure. Arizona is a great place. Truly, I do like it. Especially if I were on vacation. As it is, I have got to figure out how to rip up 17 years of memories and life and move it 2,000 miles, then replant it in a such a way that it will thrive. Ya'll, I do not have a very green thumb. I can kill a cactus, for heaven's sake - which, by the way, we have no shortage of here in the desert!
My kids are sad. I think that deep down, they like the area, but they are wounded, in ways that I truly did not expect. Or maybe I just didn't want to expect it. I wanted to expect the great adventure, and I still pray we get there. We have peace about the move, I know we made the right decision. God has affirmed it in many ways. But, it hurts. Sometimes the loneliness just threatens to overwhelm me. I desperately miss my friend and our marathon days of drinking tea and solving the world's problems while all eleven kids destroyed one of our houses and had a great time doing it! I could break down just thinking about the fun we have had in restaurants, at parks, praying together, cooking together, laying out by the pool. Jill mentioned the "greeting" time at church in one of her recent posts and I had tears streaming just reading it. When they tell everyone to turn around and greet those around you and everyone else is laughing and chatting it up. They know each other, they do life together. I have a church home like that, one where people greet me with a hug, love on my children, and ask me what day works for us to meet at the park. A place where we "did life." But, it is 2,000 miles away, and I don't belong there anymore.
I know all of these things will come. I know God did not bring us out here to forsake us. I know that soon we will settle into a house, make friends, and have people to do life with. Today, I had my first "lunch date" with a friend from our church small group. We chatted over salad for over two hours. We talked about our kids, home schooling, what we are passionate about. It was awesome. Last Friday, we made home made nachos with a fellow home schooling, orphan loving family. The kids all played while we adults talked about orphan ministry. We chatted and laughed and it felt like old times. We left their house, really late, and our kids smiled all the way home. I could see a bit of light coming back into their eyes. God is granting us these times of connecting, not to mention the time our family is spending together - hiking, playing at the park, exploring our new city.
He is here and we are going to make it. Never forgetting the memories we made in Florida or replacing the friends He blessed us with there. Just adding to them here, in a new place.
I am "digging for grace" as my friend Jill says and I have no doubt, I will find it - eventually.
4 comments:
Hey Shelby, You may already know this but this transition is a sort of "loss"... and grief is how your soul processes it. Grief is a process, and a gift from the LORD; there is a little book called, "Good Grief" by Granger Westburg that may be encouraging. It is helpful in identifying and normalizing the emotions you and your family are feeling. It seems like you all are dealing with is really well, and it is normal to hit these "walls" and have ups and downs. Anyhow, this post made me think of this book and that it may be a good resource for you. Love you!! T
Thanks Tammie. I have heard of that book, I guess I never really thought to get it in our situation. You are right, though, it is a loss. I will definitely check it out. Thanks! Love ya!
Hey Girl! Ahhh, you got me! :) Sitting here with the tears streaming! I totally "LOL"ed when you said "sipping tea and solving the world's problems." So true!! If only someone would listen to us!! Know that you are never far from my heart (and you know my kids feel the same.) I can't wait until May!! Counting the days--and I promise we're gonna visit next year. Just trying to figure out how to save for the plane tickets for eight people!! HA!! I love you!
I hopped to your blog from a Place Called Simplicity, as a mom to four, and a military spouse, my heart goes out to you. I will pray for you as you adjust to your new home...We recently completed our 7th move and although I always pray that this is the last one, I just never know, I've had friends like your Jill and I know they will always be there, but I also know there is someone in your new home that needs you and you may need them just as much, it takes time but eventually you will feel like you belong...my mantra during this move has been "bloom where you're planted." Some days it helps others not so much, but know someone is praying for you to find peace and happiness in your new home. God Bless!
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