Today, I hit a milestone in my parenting journey. Today, I had to let go. There have been plenty of milestones in the past 18 and a half years. She took her first steps, she said her first words, she learned to read, she accepted Jesus as her personal Lord and Savior, she started Kindergarten, Middle School, and High School. She got her driver's license. Two weeks ago, she graduated from high school.
All of those are really cool things. Some are really big things. Her relationship with Christ is what makes her who she is. That high school diploma came with a lot of blood, sweat, and tears. Some of these things required me to step back and realize that I am not the one in control, no matter how much I sometimes want to believe I am. The first time she drove away in the car alone, I thought I might be sick.
Today, though trumps all of those other things. Today, my firstborn baby girl, the one who (along with her twin brother) first made me a Mommy, boarded a plane to Addis, Ethiopia - alone. It was her tiny self that I first held, first locked eyes with. Her tiny fingers that I counted first. Her cry that first melted my heart. It was with the birth of this girl and her brother that I realized that part of me would forever live outside of my body.
There are no words adequate to describe how it feels to watch your child bloom before your eyes. We took her to the airport this morning and she showed no fear, no anxiety. Only courage. Courage that only comes from complete confidence and childlike faith in our Savior, Jesus Christ.
We raised her for this. We learned together at home her entire educational career. We prayed, studied, read, and trained - together. Stan and I prayed for her, as we do all of our children, that she would follow God's call on her life. We want them to be sold out for Jesus Christ, no matter the cost. I begged God to send my children out to be used by Him. Just as I beg Him to send me. It is what I wanted and what I have prayed and waited for.
I have to tell you though, as a Mom, it wrenches your heart out. I am not going to be there to remind her to take her vitamins (all 500 pills I packed her!). I am not going to be there to hold her hand and wipe her face with a cloth if she does get sick. I am not going to be there to protect her. And if I am being perfectly honest, I will admit that it hurts that I will miss this first. By home schooling, I have witnessed every first in her life. I taught her to read, I prayed with her to receive Christ, I taught her to drive. We have spent most of our waking moments together for eighteen years and I am so incredibly thankful for that.
This trip is going to change her life. It may very well be the most important thing, outside of the beginning of her walk with Jesus, that has ever happened in her life. She will never be the same after this. She will be forever broken for the things that break the heart of God. I am so excited about what God is going to do with her life after this. He is going to use her to change the world. I want to be there.
However, as much as I want to be there and as much as I know in my heart that one day I will go, this trip is hers. She needed to do this alone. She needs to see God working in her life - not just in mine. I want her to mesh with the other team members on her own. I want her to make lifelong friends, bound by a bond that can never be broken by distance - the bond that is only forged between brothers and sisters in Christ.
I will keep you posted as she updates us on what God is doing this week in Africa. I would so appreciate your prayers for their team.
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