Seasons of Life

Life.

It is hard to get it all sorted.

Kids are growing up, getting excited about their own lives - yet, still they hang on to the original family unit.  They want to be independent but they crave stability in a world so chaotically out of control.

Friends come and friends go.  Some stick around and become part of the family.  Doors revolve, new people enter - people leave.

Seasons.

Life is full of them.  My season of littles is over.  Patrick is my last baby, I'm pretty sure of it.  God tends to only give me small glimpses of what is around the bend.  The Bible tells us that we can plan our steps but only He truly orchestrates them.  I'm ok with that.  If I could see the future, I am sure I could never live in the moment, which I am desperately trying to learn to do.  I am the mom that can never say "done" when it comes to babies.  After my twins were born, I can't count the times I heard "Oh, now you are done."  I panicked!  Done - NO way!  Then, along came number three - then number four.  "Surely you are done now," I heard over and over.  NO way!  Babies are in my blood - they are what.I.do.  Four years ago, God blessed us with the babe of my heart - I have written his adoption story many times, so I won't elaborate.  He is a doll, an absolute joy.   "Done now?"  people asked. Over the past few years my "no way" has become less emphatic when talking about babies. Not because Patrick is difficult, on the contrary, he is amazingly easy.  He rolls with the punches, tags along with the "big guys" and is a self-proclaimed "genius" (if he does say so himself).

No, slowly this season is changing.  God has given me a new vision.  A vision that is full of long, lanky teenagers instead of chubby babies.  He has shown me the ones who know they are forgotten - the ones who believe no one will ever come for them.  They believe it is too late.  They have only been loved conditionally, if at all, and they believe they must perform for acceptance.  They are lonely, sad, and angry.  And they deserve a chance.  They deserve more than what their life is currently comprised of.  They can't see God anymore, they can't see His hand in their lives.  My passion is to show them that He is still there - on their side, desiring to take them to places their minds can not even begin to imagine.  Above and beyond ALL they could even think to ask for.  That is what He does when we give it all to Him.  He wants all of us to truly see - see through the eyes of a child.  The eyes of the innocent ones.  My heart is now turned to the ones whose innocence has been cruelly snatched away from them.  I want them to have it back.

Have you ever taken the time to truly observe a little child?  One who is secure in his parent's love and free to express himself?  I watch Patrick all the time.  He giggles at the ceiling when no one else is in the room, he raises his hands to heaven and expresses his desires to God and then laughs with delight when God answers him - he sees through the veil that we "mature" adults have allowed to grow thicker and thicker over time.  Cynical pessimists that we are, we are far too easily pleased, as CS Lewis would say.  We settle, when God wants us to live life to the fullest.  God wants us to pray expecting an answer, He wants us to believe that we are meant for something more.

I have spent entirely too much of my life settling for what I thought were "reasonable blessings" from God.  I pray, I cry out, I trust and then I don't.  I trip, I stumble, I fall short.  But you know what I am beginning to realize?  (Duh, some of you are saying)  God isn't impressed by my "good" and He isn't unimpressed by my "bad."  All He ever wanted was for me to trust Him, obey Him, love Him.  What I think or believe doesn't increase or diminish Him one iota.  He IS.  No matter what.  His blessings are not limited to what my mind can grasp - He can go BIG and BIG is what He wants to do in my life.  I don't mean big money, big houses, and big cars - I am SO done with that stuff.  I am ready to get on with the BIG that matters.  When Jesus died on the cross and the veil was torn, that was supposed to finish it.  It did finish it, but over time and especially in our "have it all" culture we have stopped hearing from Him.  We have stopped expecting to.  There are places in the world where healings are the norm, where seeing God move mountains is what is expected.  There are places where the veil is thin.  I want the veil to be thin in my life.  I am tired of American "church" - I am so tired.  I know America is a great place to live, we are free in ways that other cultures are not.  I get that.  But, I also know that we are trapped in just as many ways.  Bound as surely as if we were chained in a jail cell.  Spiritually, we are held hostage by our "blessings."  We have so much stuff that we can't see past that to what God wants to do in our lives.

I am ready to give it all up for the sake of what He is calling us to.  I want to see Him set the captives free - starting with my family and me.  We are blessed materially, we have been our entire lives.  Our kids don't know what it is to be hungry - let's face it, they don't know what it is to miss their daily Starbucks fix.  Shameful, but true.  I want to get back to childlike faith.  Surely I had it at some point - watching Patrick fall in love with Jesus makes me want it back so badly.  It also makes me want to introduce it to the ones left behind.  The ones who grew up never having an opportunity for child like faith.  They only have to think about surviving.

God is so good - He surrounds me with people to help me grow.  He leads close friends on a journey that runs parallel to mine.  Different and personal, but similar enough for us to understand each other on the walk - pray for each other - cry together over these precious kids and all they have lost.  And then, He restores.  The years the locusts have eaten fall away in the face of love - truth truly does set the captives free.  I am so excited about the next season of our lives.  I think it will stretch us more than ever before, challenge us beyond what we think we can endure - and then, like my yoga instructor says, when I think I can't go one millimeter further, we will take a deep breath and move forward just a little more.

So, as we sort through life around here - covering every age group from 20 down to 4 - puberty, young adulthood, pre-school, sixteen year old girl (which is a category that stands alone) -- we are moving forward, daily in God's grace.  Loving each other, loving life (even when it is HARD) and praying that God will continue to use us to show Him to the "least of these."

To use the phrase coined by one of my very favorite orphan ministries Ordinary Hero, our goal is to "change the world for one."  One at a time - following Jesus.