Ask Him

When we adopted Patrick five years ago, Stan and I traveled to AZ to get him and to finish the necessary paperwork.  (We lived in FL at the time).  We were in the state for ten days, staying in a hotel.  Of course, there are only so many hours in a day that you can sit in a hotel room, even with a nine day old baby.  So my germophobic self had to get over it, wrap him up where no one could touch him (I'm not kidding) and head out and about town for a few hours every day.  

Always someone would ask about the baby.  I did not really intend to tell everyone we met that we were adopting a baby, but it is really odd to see a woman, who does not appear to have just given birth, walking around with a days old baby.  Then, folks would say the inevitable, "Where are you from?" - because y'all, I left the south 20 years ago, but it has not left me.  When I would say Florida - the looks were crazy, because we were in Arizona with a five pound newborn.  So, of course I had to explain - and you all know that it is NO trouble to me at all to tell about adoption and how awesome it is!!  

What broke my heart though were the comments about the older kids.  It did not only happen once, it happened almost every single time.  The person would say, "Oh, is this your first baby?"  Then, I would look at them like they were crazy, because again y'all - I know my hubby looks A-MAZING (even if I may be a bit biased) but seriously, we are far from 25.  But, I guess people are having their first babies later and later these days.  Anyway, I would reply, "Oh no, he is our fifth."  To which you can imagine the looks and comments that followed.  But, the saddest part was when I would share that we had two 16 year olds.  Every single person said, "Oh my gosh, aren't they mad?"  

MAD?!?!?

There were so many emotions that my kids would have used to describe their feelings during our adoption.  SO many.  But, MAD????  

Friends, if we are raising children who would be mad about God calling their family into the world of adoption, no matter how old they are - there is a problem.  And there most certainly is a problem.  We only have to look around us at the lovers of self, haters of responsibility, entitled group of people that populate our world.  But, as followers of Jesus Christ - how DARE we?  In the Scriptures, Luke tells us that "To those whom much is given, much is expected."  Spiderman says it too, "With great power, comes great responsibility."   

My teenagers were ecstatic.  In fact, we sat in our hotel room the majority of the hours every day with our computer open to a live Skype page where our kids could watch Patrick sleep all day.  We all sat with tears streaming because we were not together for those ten days.  Patrick came home on Lyndsey's 12th birthday, and though we tried to celebrate her that day, she ONLY had eyes for her new brother.  Good gracious, she never gave a thought to her birthday celebration.  And she certainly was not mad or jealous or even a speck upset.  She was thrilled!!!  They all were.  Adding children to your family should not subtract anything - it should only multiply.

My older kids have stated over and over and over (as have the older children of all of our friends who have adopted or given birth to a second "set") - that having these babies during their teen years is freeing.  It takes their minds off of themselves and their "issues."  Adoption helps you see the big picture a little bit clearer.  Your acne issues take a back seat to a child without a mom or dad, and visiting an orphanage in a foreign country kind of puts your "problems" into a little bit of perspective.  I am not downplaying the teen years - well, maybe I am a little - don't you wish you could shake your 16 year old self and scream "Get over him, he is NOT the one!" and these things you think are the end of the world will not even be a distant memory in ten years, they will be absolutely nothing.  The best IS yet to come, but the teen years seem so huge and looming.  

Yet, just a little perspective goes a long way.  Babies and toddlers lend perspective if nothing else.  They are not respecters of privacy and they are quite selfish themselves.  However, they have a sixth sense about when you just need a hug and when they grip your face in their chubby hands and pull you towards them for a sweet sweet kiss, everything else fades.  And you have never seen anything as precious as a toddler and his 17 year old brother building a block house together.  Patrick adores his siblings.  He makes them laugh.  He has been the one who has gotten our family through our cross country move - which has been difficult.  Every one of them has said that they have no idea what would have happened if we had not had Patrick.  

God knew.  

There is never a morning that I don't wake up, look at his sleepy bed head next to mine on the pillow and thank God that we did not miss this.

Below is Patrick playing "Duck Duck Goose" on campus with Joshua and his friends.  These are 21 year old men, who love and invest in our son.  They want us to visit, they want us to bring Patrick and they genuinely enjoy him.  Friends, THIS is the way it should be.  

And we are not great people, or even nice people all of the time.  We are just a family.  That's it.  We love each other, but we are so very far from perfect.  We fight, we stumble, we grumble and we have our moments of pure selfishness.  But, at the end of the day - we know that God makes the BEST plans.  He does.

Ask Him what He has for you.  It may just be a "who" instead of a "what" and it may just change your life.