Marriage

This will probably not be a one part blog, I only have 20 minutes to write it, and after all, with a topic as broad as "marriage" I could go on and on and on.....

Marriage has been on my mind a lot lately. Mostly because, well, I am married....to that incredibly handsome man you saw in the last post. However, even incredibly handsome men are still, well, how do I put this.... not always easy to live with! Ha! If I have learned anything at all after 12 years of marriage, I have learned that we wives are not always the most lovable of creatures, now are we?

My weekly Bible study is in chaper 21 of the book of I Kings. I don't know if you know who is the focus of this particular chapter of the Bible, but I will tell you. Ahab and Jezebel. Yes, the famed Jezebel....the one who completely manipulated her husband, murdered quite a number of people, including prophets of the Lord, and was basically just plain ol' evil. Well, the scary thing is that one lady in my Bible study made the comment, "Wow, she makes us look good!" Whoah! I didn't say anything, because quite frankly, I am typically the outcast in any Bible study I attend because our family has some pretty "unpopular" thoughts on what the Word says and even in Christian circles we are typically just plain weird. But, that's ok - I have grown quite fond of "weird." Anyway, my thoughts immediately turned to my all time favorite book on marriage written for wives, Created to Be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl. On page 112 in this book, Mrs. Pearl gives what she has titled "The Jezebel Profile." For copyright reasons, I can not reprint the entire section, which is what I would love to do, but suffice it to say, the Jezebel of old, really didn't have much on me! She called herself a prophetess (Revelation 2:20) and she was a teacher in the Church, well received by the men! The book of Kings tells us that she was "more spiritual and religiously devoted" than her husband. We see over and over how she used this "spirituality" to lord over her husband. God is clear that men are the head, and we wives are to be submissive to our husbands - whether we feel they are spiritual enough or not! Have you ever tried to manipulate your husband into family devotions because God has made it clear that he is supposed to do that? Have you ever tried to explain passages of scripture to your husband, in order to "guilt" him into doing something that you want him to do? Ouch! I know I have done all of these things, and almost ruined my marriage. The saddest part is that God wants to do great things in our family, and for a long time I stood in the way of my husband's spiritual growth with my manipulation and supposed "spirituality." God doesn't need me to tell my husband what His will is. He is perfectly capable of communicating to my husband what He desires for our family.

I recently found out that a Christian couple we have known for over 10 years have decided to seperate. These are two believers. I don't know what has happened to their marriage, I don't know what obstacles satan has thrown at them to discourage and bring them to this point. It doesn't matter. The fact is, satan is laughing. He has won this battle. I know he hasn't won the war and he won't win the war. But, he has been given enough ground in this particular marriage (and they are not the only ones) to be able to place the big, fat label of "hypocrite" on these two lives. Who are we to tell other people that divorce is devestating to children? Who are we to tell others that statistics show that 5 years down the road, the ones that stuck it out are happier than the ones who gave up and found new relationships to be miserable in? How can we tell a lost and dying world that our God can heal even the deepest hurts, when we give up?

Marriage is hard. There is no other way to say it. It is the most difficult thing you will ever do. Parenting is hard, too. No doubt. But, as a mother, I carried these children inside my body and when I delivered them, they brought part of my heart out with them. Or, if you have adopted, as many of my friends have, you looked into the eyes of that child for the first time and God knit a bond so strong that the physical birth doesn't matter. We love them no matter what they do. No matter how they act - and I know sometimes it is bad - they are a part of us. We should feel the same way about our husbands, after all, God has made us one. But, our culture does not define marriage this way and unfortunately, even us Christians fall into the trap of thinking that marriage is disposable.

I took the kids to see the new Disney movie Enchanted yesterday. The princess was sent out of the cartoon castle and the land of "happily ever afters" to New York City by the evil queen who says, "I'm sending you to a place where there are no happily ever afters." Through a series of events, this naive princess ends up in the office of a divorce attorney, witnessing a couple fighting over their stuff. She begins to cry and says to the attorney, "You mean they were married yesterday and today they are not? What kind of a place is this?"

What kind of a place indeed? Could it be that God is looking at us, with sadness asking "What kind of a place?" Marriage, though hard, is the picture God has chosen to show the world the relationship between Christ and His Bride. This is a huge responsibility for us as Christians. I don't know what makes non-Christians stay together when the going gets tough, as it always does. But, as believers, we have to stick it out - we have to "do it until we feel like it" as the saying goes. It does not matter that he hurt you. It does not matter that he isn't the same man you married - maybe you are not the same woman. What matters is that we made a covenant before God and it can not be broken without pain and permanant scars to everyone involved. To us, to our children, to our families, to the lost world who is looking at us and deserves to see something different.

I don't mean to sound judgemental. I know the pain that divorce brings. I know the shame and the devestation. I also know the Healer. God will heal you, no matter what you have done in the past. What I am speaking to now is where you are today. If you are in a marriage that is not blissful, is not a picture of Jesus and His Bride - you have a way to change that. Take it to God. He loves you, He wants to bless you, and He is all you need.

I will be back to share more about the journey that Stan and I had to take to find the "sweet spot" in our marriage. It was not easy, but it was so worth it!