Reflections

I have had kind of a melancholy last few days. There are many, many reasons for it - more than I could blog about in one sitting. One of the main reasons is that melancholy is really the biggest chunk of my personality. I'm not sure I always like this strange mixture of Eeyore and Tigger, which is me. I sometimes look with longing at those of you who always seem to be happy, who have that bright fiery personality that just lights up a room. You are just plain fun! Sometimes I feel like I am just a plain stick in the mud. All the while I yearn to just be fun! The other half of my personality is Tigger - carefree and energized by people. It is a strange combination and I think maybe that is why sometimes I just go through periods where I just have to retreat into my little shell and figure out where I am in life, and who I am today.

Lately, I have been watching way too much news on television. I usually watch none - absolutely no news whatsoever and lately, between presidential debates, election coverage, and economic crisis, I have spent too many wide-eyed hours in front of the tube. I usually keep up by scanning the front news page on Comcast when I log on the computer and reading the headlines in the Wall Street Journal. That is more than sufficient for me and I probably should just leave well enough alone. However, because my husband is a finance guy, the economic issues interest him and we have been following the whole fiasco through the news media. This just proves to anger me more because of the poor reporting that comes from almost every station and the complete subjectivity of the reporters who are supposed to give us news, but really give us a lot of opinions - and usually those opinions come from people on the opposite end of the religious, political, and life spectrum from me!

On top of too much media, I have been reading the book Atlas Shrugged. A fraternity brother of Stan's, who has been a Washington lobbyist for the past 20 years, asked me recently, when we were discussing politics, if I had read that book. I had not. He piqued my interest however, and I ordered the book - all 1200 pages of it!!! I am not yet half way through it, but I am hooked on the storyline- which is eerily familiar to our times. The author definitely does not share my Biblical world view, but I am really learning a lot about economics, and agreeing with her on a number of points from an economy standpoint. I am the type that when I read a book, I am there! I can transport myself in my mind to any distant land, real or imaginary, when I open the pages. It is my "out" when I need to retreat from life. I usually find the character that I can relate to the most, and that becomes me; I live there with that person until it is over and then I feel a strange sense of loss when the story is done. That person's life stops with the very last period, and in my mind, I come to a screeching halt as well. I hate it when a book ends, and it takes me a little time to grieve the loss. I truly have to take a deep breath and remind myself that the loss was only imaginary.

As I contemplate the state of our world, both on the current news channels and penned fifty years ago, melancholy is probably a pretty good description of how I feel. I can easily let myself get scared and even depressed. I am concerned about the world my children and grandchildren are going to grow up in, and frustrated because there is really nothing I can do about it. Conditions seem to be spiraling downhill at an alarming rate and now the economic depression is making matters way more personal. I feel myself slipping into negativity every time the topics of politics or the economy come up in conversation, which seems to be way too often lately.

I spent time yesterday asking God to renew my spirit within me. To give me His outlook, His view - the big picture. He has a plan and nothing will thwart it. My Daddy loves me and He loves my children even more than I do. As I reflect on that, I feel Eeyore giving way to Tigger. Tigger wants to be around people and to shout to the world that we have a Daddy in Heaven who is still on the throne! He is still in control, no matter what crashes around us - whether it is the stock market or the sky! We have Truth living inside of us and because of that, hope is alive and it is so very real.

When I keep my focus on these truths, these things that I have staked my very life upon, then I can begin to get a bit excited about the state of our world. I can begin to contemplate with awe, rather than fear, just what it is my Father is up to. My favorite book to get lost in is the Bible. When I read about the life of Jesus, I feel the dust on my feet and I smell the country air as He walks with His disciples from village to village - healing the sick and casting out demons. I feel the misty spray from the waves on the Sea of Galilee as He calms the storm. I love being in that boat! I love the excitement that ripples through the crowds as He speaks. I Am in human form; taking on flesh and coming to live with fallen man. That makes any current condition that could possibly come my way, pale in comparison. When I think that because of the blood of Jesus, the Creator of the universe, the one true God, knows me personally and loves me anyway - I have no words that could possibly express that feeling. All I know is that I have nothing to fear. My children have nothing to fear. God, in all His splendor and majesty has everything under complete control. Even if everything that we dread the most comes to pass in our country, in our economy - it will all be part of a greater plan. A plan that was laid before the foundations of the earth, a plan that gives us who call Him Daddy a hope and a future. This earth is not my home, this is merely a shadow of what is to come. One day, we will see clearly and oh, what a day that will be!

Just take a look at what my Daddy made! And this is just for us to enjoy now, what He is preparing for us we can't even begin to wrap our minds around!