I love being Mom!

I really do love being a Mom.

When my twins were born, I was very young and they were like two little baby dolls for me to play with. I loved them from the very beginning - like, before they were born, but I think my love then was pretty immature. They were so beautiful and I could dress them up and show them off. Especially because there were two of them, and because they were so darn cute, we attracted lots of attention everywhere we went. I might have had a little bit of a big head about it, if I were going to do a confession here today - which I'm not! I did not think much about the future, I am ashamed to admit. It wasn't until later that the enormity of the responsibility on my shoulders hit me full force.

By the time Lyndsey was born, I was so much more mature - a whopping 24 years old! At that point, we had moved away from my family and the reality of Scripture hit me. You know the part where God says "a man shall leave his father and mother...." Well, I know I am not the man, but I had never really left my father and mother, nor had I clung to my husband. Let me tell you, I was clinging to him by the time we had Lyndsey. After all, he was all I had to cling to - him being the one who made me "leave" my mother and father and all.

Fast forward a few years and our youngest little man comes along. My mom asked me when Graham was about three weeks old why I was so much more of a worrier with him than I was with the others. It was a strange question really, because I am not a worrier like most young moms. For instance, I don't worry about my kids getting hurt when they climb over a fence or fall out of a tree. I don't jump every time I hear a head clunk against the wall because someone took the corner too fast. And (gasp) I have even caught them running with the scissors a time or two - and I didn't panic.

I think what happened was that by the time Graham came, I was further down the road in my spiritual walk, I was a little older, and I knew what I was holding in my arms. I had a precious gift, sent from Heaven, and God Himself was going to allow me to raise him - and the others. That realization hit me square on the shoulders soon after I held Graham in my arms for the first time. I was the grown up now, the mother of four children. The thought filled me with fear. Real, mind numbing, paralyzing fear!

Another six years on the journey and I know that worry was not the godly response to my fear. I do believe that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom and I believe that that day, I realized for the first time was it meant to "fear the Lord." That emotion sent me on a search for wisdom. True wisdom that can only be found between the pages of one Book and through long agonizing hours in prayer and soul searching.

Among other things, I came away with a profound feeling of gratitude that God has allowed me to be a mom. I know that many women struggle with infertility and their very souls cry out for a baby to love and hold. I don't understand why that happens sometimes, especially when I know how little I deserve this honor. I am unbelievably grateful that He chose me to be the mom to my children. I do not always feel fit for the task, I am often impatient and appear to be very ungrateful. I demand respect that I have not come close to earning and sometimes I say "because I said so."

However, not a day goes by that my heart does not nearly burst with thanksgiving when I look at the children the Lord has given me. I know that without a seconds hesitation I would give my life for any one of them and that humbles me beyond belief, mainly because I know that only God could have brought me from the selfish child I was when Joshua and Bryce were born to the point that I could honestly say that.

Dear God, I can never say thank you enough for giving me, the opportunity to raise warriors for You. I am quite sure that you knew that I did not deserve this life, yet you gave me a chance. My one desire is to please you in all that we do. Because of You, I am confident that they will become men and women who serve you and who will fearlessly spread your Name wherever they go.