Wednesday Book Review

Ephesians 5:33 "Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband."

Wow! Those are powerful words. Mostly they are powerful because they are inspired by God and His words never returns void, but also because, when properly applied-- they will change your life!

Have you heard these terms before? "Crazy Cycle" "Energizing Cycle" "COUPLE" "CHAIRS"

Unless you have read the book I am reviewing today you probably haven't. At least I had not heard them until our small group started using this book to learn more about marriage. We are down to the last two weeks of the study and I have read the entire book, so I wanted to share enough with you today to hopefully pique your interest.

Based on the Scripture passage in Ephesians about husbands loving wives and wives respecting husbands, Dr. Eggerichs has done a great job of explaining the differences in men and women from a Biblical perspective. Thanks to secular psychologists, we all know that "men are from Mars and women are from Venus" but do we really understand why?

Here is the really revolutionary part, God made us different, He did it on purpose, and it is ok! That is a really freeing concept.

However, it is also a very misunderstood concept, even among Christians. Christian psychologists and pastors alike are beginning to realize that they have missed something huge by not emphasizing that men need respect the way women need love. In Dr. Eggerich's words, "It is not wrong, just different." God created women to love, that comes naturally to us so God doesn't have to command us to do it, He has to command us to respect - something that doesn't come naturally. In the same way, men naturally show respect, but love is not so easy for them, therefore God commands them to show love.

However, in our culture, men are labeled as dominating and self-serving when they demand respect. I'm not talking about violent behavior or abuse, I am talking about when your husband gets angry when you talk to him like his mother and then he refuses to talk to you. (Please tell me you know what I'm talking about, and I'm not the only one) We women tend to cry and make everyone around feel sorry for us, while our husband get angry and seem to be heartless.

It is behavior like this that put us on what the author calls the "crazy cycle." Your husband reacts unloving to you, so you refuse to show respect to him, which makes him act unloving to you, which makes you not want to show him respect, etc.., etc.., etc.... Believe it or not, people live for years in a marriage characterized by this type of behavior. (I sincerely hope that you have no idea what I am talking about, however, I would venture to guess that if you are like us, you have found yourself on this merry go round at least once or twice if you have been married longer than a week!)

Albert Einstein said that "the definition of insanity is to continue to do the same thing over and over expecting a different outcome."

Do you want to get off the "crazy cycle" and onto the "energizing cycle?" This book is a great place to start. Not only do you get a clear Biblical picture of the ways and the reasons that men and women are so different, you also get some practical ways to begin to change yourself. Because, let's face it, yourself is the only one in your marriage that you have the capability to change. Someone has to take the first step off the merry go round. Dr. Eggerichs' challenge to readers is this, "The person to take the first step should be the one who considers him/herself to be the most mature." Ouch.

This book is sold at any bookstore or amazon. You can also order a DVD set of the author speaking live at a seminar. Our small group has been using this material to do a 12 week study and it has been amazing!