Rebel at Heart

Most of you probably don't immediately conjure up my picture in your mind when you hear the word rebel. (If you do, no need to comment about it...Jami, Mom...) I guess you never know what people really think about you, but all through high school and college I was pretty quiet; some would say shy. I don't think it was really shyness, rather the fact that I am a pleaser. I want people to like me, so I wasn't the one that spoke up in philosophy class when a controversial conversation was taking place. I never wanted to be the one that said something that made every eye turn on me and every mouth drop open. In other words, I never wanted to be the center of attention.

These traits can often be misinterpreted as snobby or aloof, so I know that many people, especially in high school thought I was a bit of a snot. Maybe I was....a bit.

As an adult, I think I have turned a corner. I am still somewhat of a pleaser, and I don't like being the center of attention. However, I have a really hard time keeping my mouth shut on topics that I am passionate about. Now, some of you are saying -- "Not you? I never would have thought that!" (Ha) With age, I have become more sure of myself and I don't feel the need to please everyone anymore.

Now, I can take the time to really look deeper into myself and what I see is a little more revealing than I like to admit.

Here's my conclusion: I am a rebel.

I always have been. If my parents said, "I don't like that young man" I said, "He is the love of my life!" (dramatically, of course) If my teacher said, write in black ink I wanted to write in blue. If society says you need to send your kids to school and let the "experts" handle their education....well, you can probably see where I am going with this.

I haven't written about home schooling in a while, mostly because I am attempting to allow less controversy in my life and this is the year that I am working to be more like my Heavenly Daddy in the areas of love, joy, peace, and patience as opposed to the areas of justice and righteous anger...which, by the way are so much easier for me to manifest, at least towards others.

Do I want God's just and righteous anger displayed toward me you might ask? Of course not - I want God to be patient and long suffering with me!

Anyway, today I got the call from a good friend that they are planning to take their son out of school, possibly immediately, due to some issues he is having. I will admit that I have been praying for over a year that they would come to this conclusion, because I see this child thriving at home and I am thrilled that they are moving along this path. I don't want to write about my friend, though...mostly because it is not my place to write about their life, she can write her story on her own blog. :) Her call just started me thinking....I love it when I get these calls, by the way.

No, this is about me - and my rebellion issues! When God called us to home school, I did not struggle with the decision initially, as most people do. I have often wondered why, because as I have already established, usually I like to do the opposite of what I am told to do. I realize we are talking about GOD telling me something, but I was not too far down the road on my spiritual journey and I did not have a healthy fear of the Lord in me at that point. With little effort, I could have rationalized it enough to convince myself I was mistaken, and that's not really what He said.

I didn't though. I immediately knew that home schooling was what I wanted to do. I wish it had been more spiritual. I wish I had been in the relationship with the Lord that I am in now (only by His grace) and that I could honestly say that I always wanted to train my children up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord and that I felt the weight of my responsibility to spiritually guide my children when they were young. That's all true now, but it just wasn't true then.

Here's the truth: I am a rebel.

Home school, you say? Oh well, most people don't do that. People will think we are wacky, off the wall, and a bit crazy! People will say really strange things about us and they will think that we wear long skirts (matching long skirts) and no make up and that we grind our own wheat! They will think that we want our children to start college at 10 and be walking encyclopedias. They will whisper about us behind our backs and say our kids will be social misfits!

Ok, count me in!

Seriously?

It's the truth. Eleven years ago when we started home schooling, the front page of the USA Today had an article titled (I kid you not) Home schooling: Not Just for Weirdos Anymore. So, lest you doubt that people said these things about us, believe me when I tell you that they said all of these things and many, many more.

Why was I so eager to join the ranks of the "weirdos?" Again, I wish I had a spiritual answer for you, but the simple truth is this:

I am a rebel.

I wanted to do it because it was different. Because the majority of academia said it couldn't or shouldn't be done.

Today, since home schooling is becoming more and more mainstream, I have to find new ways to feed my rebellious tendencies. Now, I use alternative medicine to treat my children's illnesses and a holistic doctor for our medical needs. Our cupboards are brimming with all sorts of bags of herbs (that really look like freshly cut drugs) and little medicine bottles of homemade tinctures that look like potions. Our fridge is stocked with raw milk (straight out of a cow - of all things), and you know that will soon be a federal crime, if the FDA has anything to say about it. Even I refuse to talk about our vaccine schedule on a public blog, and I pray every day that one day I will hold in my arms a child that calls me Mama and was born in Africa. (I was raised in the Deep South if that gives you any clue about what is rebellious about that prayer).

So, my college friends may think I was shy, but my current friends think I am teetering on the edge of sanity. They would probably tell you that I am obnoxious about the things I am passionate about and that I talk way too much! The truth is this:

I am a rebel.

The question I have to ask myself is this: Can I still be a rebel and honor and glorify my Daddy in Heaven? I have pondered this a lot over the years and I have tried to find the answer. I think that maybe Jesus' disciples were rebels in their day. Here they were, following this unknown prophet through villages in Judea - casting out demons, healing the sick, and multiplying bread and fish. Many, many people called them, get this....weirdos, wacky, crazy. (Ok, I took a little liberty with those exact words, but they were not accepted in polite society). They hung around with *gasp* sinners and prostitutes! They ate with tax collectors!

When the spirit of God came upon them at Pentecost, they changed into something strong and mighty. They changed from the meek, fearful, argumentative followers that they had been into bold, unashamed, Spirit filled men and women of the Most High God! They changed from merely being rebels to being rebels with a reason! They were filled with power from on high and it manifested itself in everything they did. Were they still rebels and outcasts in the polite society of the day? I think they were, but it made them bolder than ever! They shared their experiences and they shared their faith openly, with no fear of ridicule, no fear of death!

That's what I want. I want to be a rebel with nothing in front of me but the cause of Christ. I want to not care what others think of me, but be bold in doing the things He has called me to. I fail miserably and often at the task in front of me and I know that I will never reach the end of my journey until I see Him face to face. Between now and then, my one desire, in all I do, whether it makes me popular or not - is to please my Daddy and make Him smile.

What am I now? I can tell you what I want to be....

I want to be a rebel.....with a Purpose!