Our family saw the movie The Blind Side last night. It was good. It was thought provoking. It was very, very real to the culture of the wealthy elite in the South. If you are from Washington State you just may not understand the phone call from "Uncle Joe" who after "five cold ones" called to ask the Tuohy family if they are aware that there is "big colored boy" on their Christmas card.
Being from North Carolina myself, I really enjoyed the vernacular that was used. Now that I live in an area mostly filled with people from the Northeast and the Mid-west, terms like chest of drawers, pronounced "chestuhdraws" and "nightstand" are not things I commonly hear. My friends refer to those particular pieces of furniture as "bureaus" and "bedside tables." Sandra Bullock did a great job bringing back her native North Carolinian accent.
The movie itself came out at a great time. I'm not sure how many of you know this, but November is Adoption Awareness Month and for those of us passionate about adoption, this is the month that we set apart to share with others the importance of adoption. God tells us in James 1:27 that "pure and undefiled religion before God and the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their trouble, and to keep oneself unspotted from the world." Many other places in scripture God calls Himself a father to the fatherless and a husband to the widow. Clearly, those left alone in life to fend for themselves are very close to the heart of God. Our own relationship with Him is referred to as an "adoption" and there is a Psalm that says, "He sets the lonely in families."
Michael Oher was definitely one of the "lonely," left alone to fend for himself practically from birth and "found" by the Tuohy family at age 16. Just the simple fact that they live in Memphis and he is black and they are white is enough to make this story miraculous.
However, there is so much more to adoption than that. When you adopt a child, of any age and of any ethnicity there is a bond forged so strong within the heart of a mother that it makes absolutely no difference whatsoever whether or not you carried that child in your body. I have friends who have adopted children who turned out to look exactly like their biological children, I have friends who have adopted children from other countries who look obviously different from their family, whether African, Chinese, or Latin. I have friends who have adopted older children and teenagers from the foster care system in America. Kids who have seen and experienced way too much for their young lives. However, in every single case that I am personally acquainted with, the second these children are placed into your family, they are yours. I can only speak for the mothers, because that is what I am, but the mother's heart explodes with a love so deep and so real that the physical birth experience, as awesome as that is, becomes obsolete in regards to the love you have for that child. God is able to knit forever families together in a way that dissolves physical barricades like skin color, height, and even literal birth. It is the melding together that only He can do that makes a petite, blond, southern woman like LeeAnne Tuohy love a massive, black teenager from the "wrong" side of town with a love so fierce that she is willing to stand up to gang members and her friends from the "club" all in the same day to defend this boy. (And being just a little acquainted with those "club" type women myself, it is a toss up as to which would be the toughest).
This movie and the story it portrayed is just a glimpse into the heart of adoption. There was one line in the movie where one of the "club" ladies said to Mrs. Touhy, "You are changing that boy's life." To which she replied, "No, he is changing mine." Like most things that God calls us to do that we think are going to be our "sacrifice" or our "cross to bear" adoption is one of those things that actually changes you the most.
Yes, she helped Michael Oher out of a life of certain corruption. Yes, because her heart twisted with compassion at the sight of him walking in the cold in a pair of shorts with no place to go, his life was set firmly on a different path. Yes, because they invested in his education and believed in him, he is now playing professional football and living a life radically different than it would have been.
However, all of those things are physical comforts, truly unimportant in the grand scheme of things. The most lasting changes were wrought in their own family. Their children became closer to each other as they showed Michael a real family for the first time in his life. Their family banded together in ways they had never needed to before. They became more aware of the needs just outside their back door and of the real, human beings that suffer daily just a few minutes drive from their upscale mansion. The racism and hate that they had lived with and maybe even been a part of their entire lives suddenly became personal and the hurts very, very real.
Making Michael Oher part of their family blessed them every bit as much as it blessed him and certainly in more important ways. Compassion, true self-sacrificing love, defense of the helpless - these are traits that most of us never truly get to show to anyone else. Sure, we stroke checks to various charities and we head up fundraising projects for the "poor and needy," but, for most of us, myself included, those things don't really hurt at all. How many of us are down in the dirt and grime pouring out our lives in defense of the gospel? How many of us are truly being the hands and feet of Jesus to a hurting world? Jesus did not mind the grime and grit. He got dirty with sinners and he dined with prostitutes. He saw the real, gut wrenching hurts of those around him and he did something about it!
Watching this movie convicted me of a lot of things in my life. Adoption is a passion of mine, it is a dream and something that I want so badly that sometimes I make it an idol. However, just because I am willing to accept into my family a cute, cuddly precious baby that I did not birth does not mean that my motives are always what they should be.
I need to examine my heart on the issue of self-sacrifice. Yes, I am willing to make the sacrifices necessary to be a mother again, but I have already done that, four times. The real question is, am I willing to make whatever sacrifices God calls me to make? Am I willing to give away material things until it actually hurts? Until I have to do without something that I wanted - or possibly even needed? Am I willing to get down and dirty with those who are hurting? To enter into their neighborhoods and their lives. To see them as God sees them....even when it is not pretty. Even when it appears by their lifestyle that they "asked" for it. Am I willing to sacrifice for the least of these? Because, you know what - if I'm not, then I need to ask myself an even more important question.....what is my motive and who am I trying to please?
Matthew 6:1 says this, "Be careful not to do your 'acts of righteousness' before men, to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven."
There is nothing that this world can offer me that is worth anything. If I am trying to please people on the earth or if my goal is to be looked upon as "good" by the people in my life, then it is worthless. It is just noise. However, if my goal is simply to please my Daddy in heaven and to bring glory to His name, then people will see less of me and more of Him. And believe me when I tell you that He is the one you want to see -- not me!
As Christmas approaches and we are using this period of time before to reflect on our blessings, I am asking Him to give me His heart and His compassion for the world around me. If that means that I need to give something up or be willing to get "dirty" - literally or figuratively, then I am asking for the grace to do that. Whatever it takes, my goal this season is to give at least one person the greatest gift there ever was......a relationship with my Daddy through His Son Jesus Christ! It doesn't get any better than that!
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