I have a Christmas post in mind, complete with all the verses that I love so much that makes this holy holiday what it is. The God I love with my whole heart and soul came into humanity to save us from ourselves. That is the miracle of the day - He showed up!
However, as I sit here two days before Christmas Eve, I am reminded of several things. I want anyone reading this to know that even though I love to write and I love to document all the wonderful things that go on in our family and all the philosophical things that I am wrestling with, we are also VERY, VERY real around here. I mean down and dirty real, sometimes not so nice to each other, sometimes yelling, sometimes moody and tearful REAL!! Our life is not perfect and I want to apologize if I have led you to believe that it is by any of my posts. All the things I write are true - I promise you that, but like any book, there is always "the rest of the story." We do love each other and we do love our lives, but sometimes things are just plain hard. Six people living together in one house, spending basically 24/7 together is not always a bed of roses! Many times it smells more like the dirty laundry that I am always surrounded by!
This year, as Christmas approaches, I want to get real with you for a minute, just in case anyone else out there is feeling the way I am today - including the guilt that comes as I write this down. I love Christmas. I love the decorations, I love the smells and the food, I love the meaning. (I hate cheap wrapping paper, but that is another story). I love all of the things associated with the birth of Christ (and yes, I know that Jesus was not born on December 25th....).
But, you know what, being the Mom at Christmas is very stressful to me! There I said it! It stresses me out to be responsible for everything about this holiday. When I was a little girl, Christmas was filled with such anticipation. The presents under the tree, the food, Grandma's house....I know it is not about the presents, but we are being real here - presents are pretty sweet! At my house on Christmas, you pretty much knew that you could ask for just about anything and get it. My parents did not buy toys all year, so Christmas was the time to lay it out there. My grandfather loved Christmas and he was like a little kid. You never knew what he might buy! Anything from gallons of bubble gum to a hundred one dollar bills all taped together for us kids to roll out all over the house!
My parents went to great lengths to surprise us with things. I remember the year that my sister and I wanted Cabbage Patch Dolls and they were all the rage at the store! My mom told us she couldn't find us one and we would have to get it after Christmas. We were disappointed, of course. Then, during dinner we heard this noise that sounded like a baby crying...."Mama! Mama!" My sister and I hunted all over the house and we found our babies, with a tape recorder making them call to us!
I feel the pressure of making Christmas special for my children. I feel the pressure of making sure that they have awesome memories of Christmas like I do. We don't live near family anymore and many Christmases it is just the six of us. Often, my mother in law is there and we LOVE that! Once, my entire family came - my parents, sister, brother-in-law, nephew, and even my only remaining grandmother, at 83! It was so much fun!!
I want my kids to remember our traditions and the memories we are making. I want them to truly internalize the meaning of the season and I don't want the focus to be on gifts, but at the same time, I want to give them the things I know they want. The balance is hard for me and usually about this time I begin to crack a little. I have to plan the food, I have to plan the little things that make it special - getting out the china, grocery shopping, wrapping all the gifts, making sure I have the right stocking stuffers. My husband helps me, don't misunderstand - actually, this year he did the bulk of the Christmas shopping for the kids, but somehow, he doesn't seem to feel the stress of making everything just right or the guilt if it doesn't turn out according to plan.
Then of course, there is his gift. He says he doesn't want anything, but of course, he buys gifts for me and I want to buy gifts for him. I want to find something so special that he will know just how much I love and appreciate him - because I do! But, the things he likes are things I can not purchase as a surprise - like equipment for the triathlons he participates in, and really good wine. Those are things he has to pick out own his own, therefore, I would rather if he just gets it himself - there is no need to have him pick it out and then wrap it up. It just seems silly to me.
So, obviously you have picked up on the fact that buying gifts stresses me out! I love giving gifts, but, I hate wasting money - so I like to buy just the right thing, and that really puts a lot of pressure on me. Unnecessary pressure, I'm sure, but I feel it nonetheless.
Anyway, this was my two days before Christmas pity party....I'm sorry if you didn't want to be invited - but, just maybe someone reading needed to hear that you are not alone if you are under a little pressure this season. The truth is, I am putting the pressure on myself, and so are you! My kids love Christmas and they have great Christmas memories already and I'm sure we will make many more over the years. They don't notice if the china isn't just right or if I forget to make a certain cookie. They are always thrilled with the gifts they receive -- and best of all, they KNOW that it is not about the gifts and the trimmings anyway...it is all about JESUS!!
So here it is -- your swift kick in the rear to get you moving! You only have two more days!
Merry Christmas to everyone who reads my blog....I truly am humbled and honored that you spend any of your time looking into our lives and my hope and prayer for you is that you read just one thing that draws you closer to our Savior. I pray that you see more of Him and way less of me in the things that I write.
"For a child will be born to us, a son will be given to us;And the government will rest on His shoulders;And His name will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,Eternal Father, Prince of Peace." Isaiah 9:6
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