Attitude Adjustment

I've decided that I need an attitude adjustment.

Well, my kids probably need one, too, but I think that first I have to work on my own. You know the saying, "If Mama ain't happy, then ain't nobody happy!" It really is true that I set the tone of my home.

Me.

If you know me, like I know me, then that is a really scary thought. The real me does not need to be setting the tone for much of anything. I want to have joy, I want to be full of fun ideas and lively projects all day long. Then, I want to be able to clean it all up, light some candles, and have a healthy meal on the table, with peaceful strains of Bach humming in the background when hubby walks in the door.

The mere thought is hilarious.

The problem is, that is truly what my husband would like. Maybe all husbands would like that, maybe some truly don't care. I don't know. I only know what mine wants, and I guess what mine wants is all that really matters - to me anyway.

When I can not provide these things, which I never can, then I get into a real valley in the attitude department. I go through the stages of "bad attitude" (I made these up, by the way.)

First, I get angry. I yell at the air. Things like, "Whoever left these shoes in the middle of the floor better get them up now!" Usually, the kids are outside when this happens.

Later, when they are in front of me, I say again, "Who did not obey me?" They all look confused, and rightly so, because remember, they were not in the house when I yelled the first time.

Next, I get my "guilt trip" voice on. My kids see right through this, and call me out on it. Because I hate the guilt trip and I have always told them to call me out on it. They are always obedient in situations like this! I remind them of how much I have sacrificed for them, and why they should care, even a little bit how I feel! Because, you know, it is all about me!

After the guilt trip, comes my own personal pity party. It is very similar to the guilt trip because I am still moaning about how I do everything around the house - all alone. How no one is carrying their own weight. It is really sad. And pathetic. And depressing.

The truth is, I hate this about myself. I hate the way I feel when I am in this mode. I hate the way I make everyone around me feel. I hate the fact that I simply can not keep up. Even though it is totally wrong of me to try to guilt my children, the truth is that my children are totally capable. Sometimes this makes it worse. They could run this entire house, from meals to laundry - probably better than I do. But, most of the time, they don't even pick up their own underwear. This really speaks to my parenting skills - which are obviously sorely lacking.

I get so overwhelmed and tired, especially lately. And then, I get sick - I am on my fourth cold since we adopted Patrick. I haven't been sick literally in years!! I want someone to take care of me! I am ready for the "her children rise up and call her blessed, her husband also." Somehow, it is starting to dawn on me that maybe they do that when you die!! 'Cause you know, then, they will be sorry! :)

Anyway, now that you can see how really terrible my attitude is, here is what God has shown me over the past few days.

Many, many people, including some members of my own family right now, have real problems. Health issues, that are life and death. Chronic medical situations that create excruciating pain every day. Emotional situations, like divorce or children with addictions, that give them unbelievable stress and pain on a minute by minute basis.

Me, on the other hand, I have no real problems. I have blessings - quite a number of them, actually. I have a husband who I know loves me - even though there is no denying that he probably should have married Martha Stewart!

So, today, I am going to adjust my attitude. I am going to work diligently in my home. I am going to smile at my kids and enjoy a good book with them. I am going to smile at my husband when he gets home - even if the house is messy. I am going to give my silly "worries" that are not even real worries to God, because He can handle anything! And I am going to pray for my brothers and sisters around the world, who are in the midst of true faith testing storms.

Send me your prayers requests and I promise to pray for you! Have a great day!