So tired....

**Update: The next morning after I wrote this post, Fox News broke the story and Amazon pulled the book. I still have feelings about this, and I personally think that I will still have a problem ordering from Amazon. Because the fact of the matter is, they carried the book for over a month and used every tactic they could think of to continue to do so under the banner of "freedom of speech." The ONLY reason they pulled it was because it is the Christmas season and their customers went crazy and dumped their shopping carts! I commend the Amazon shoppers for taking a stand on this issue, but I still say "shame on you Amazon" for even entertaining the thought of making money on garbage like this!**

I am so physically tired lately. Probably six months without a complete night's sleep. For this nine hour per night sleeper, it is finally catching up with me. It is ok, though, because I know this is a short season and soon Patrick will be sleeping through the night, and I will wish he was snuggling with me at 3:00 am. So, though I am tired, I'm not complaining.

I am also emotionally tired. I am a worrier. A trait that I am not proud of, but nevertheless, it is true too often. I pray about it and confess it and always seem to pick it back up again. I hate it, and I hate that I can not seem to get a handle on this area of sin in my life. Having a baby puts me back in full blown worry mode - the rest of my family would say I have never been out of worry mode. It is truly draining.

Finally, I am spiritually tired. Not in the way that might sound, thankfully. The closer I walk with God, the more drained I feel over the state of our world. I guess I have prayed one too many times for God to break my heart for the things that break His. He does. A lot. And it exhausts me sometimes. Like tonight, when I found out that Amazon carries a Kindle book titled The Pedophile's Guide to Love and Pleasure. They defend their right to carry this book by saying that they do not feel it is right to censor material. Personally, I do not typically feel that it is right to censor either. However, should we not draw the line at some point? Maybe I'm wrong, and if you think this is a freedom of speech issue, feel free to tell me so in a comment. But, I just think that we have a responsibility to those who are incapable of protecting themselves. Namely, innocent children. Sexually abusing children is not only sick at the very basest level, it is also a crime! To my knowledge, there are no books available on Amazon about how to plan a terrorist attack. Every federal agency in the country would be all over the author of such a book! Yet I have seen nothing on the news about this book on how to rape children! It is just disgusting.

Pardon me for being cynical tonight. I am just so tired. I am tired of all the apathy. I am tired of all the political correctness. I am tired of so many heart breaking things swirling around in my head and I am tired of not knowing what to do to change one little bit of it! I am tired of feeling helpless and inadequate and overwhelmed. I am too tired to even write this post the way I want to, but I think you can probably catch the drift.

I know this is quite a somber post, but I am in a somber mood. Please join me in praying for the innocent children who are daily exploited in a myriad of ways. The children that God Himself promises to one day avenge. Also, pray for those who victimize these children - they need the love of Christ.