Life at Our House

It is a common thing to find all five of my children in my oldest son's bedroom - chatting, playing a video game, or singing loudly to music. The baby is thrilled by all the attention he gets. It is also common to find two or three of them together outside - shooting their BB gun at a home made target, chasing each other around the yard, or swimming in the pool.

Yesterday our oldest two turned 17. They did not want to have a big party, but each of them had a friend over to spend the night. We ate stuffed baked potatoes (at their request), cupcakes, and chocolate chip cookies. They watched a couple of movies, played some video games, and stayed up until about 3:00 this morning. That may not sound that unusual, but in the middle of all this fun were my 12 year old and my 8 year old. They did everything the big kids did and my 8 year old son even slept in the room with his big brother and friend. The "big" kids included their little siblings in every aspect of their birthday.

I think I take this type of thing for granted. It is just what we do. I have never forced my children to include each other in their "friend" time. I have never needed to. They simply truly like to be together. It has never been any other way in our family or in the families of most of our friends.

It is not unusual for us to get together with a couple of other families for a "pot luck" dinner, cards, and dancing in the driveway. Included in this scenario are "kids" ranging from infants to 24 years old. They have a blast - together.

Recently I have been talking with some of my Facebook friends and their children are getting older, like mine. These moms are blown away that my kids even like each other, much less are willing to include their little siblings in activities. They tell me horror stories about how much their kids hate each other.

To top that off, in our small, supposedly safe and conservative community a 16 year old was stabbed too death yesterday at a bus stop, by a 14 year old. I have no personal knowledge of the situation, so I will not even speculate on the reasons behind this tragedy. It is safe to say, however, that somewhere there has been a breakdown in family values. Somewhere along the way, children are not being taught what is truly important. Issues like teen depression, bullying, cutting, drug and alcohol abuse, and illicit sexual behavior are so rampant that they are almost considered "normal." God forbid we ever see such behavior as acceptable.

Please do not hear me say our family is perfect. Far, far from it! Our kids bicker with each other, they struggle with the ups and downs of growing up. I believe that all of that is totally normal. Many, if not most, days I feel inadequate as a mom and a teacher and I know without a doubt I am inadequate as a housekeeper. I am always behind on laundry and my organizational skills are completely non-existent.

In the midst of all of that though, my children love each other deeply and would fiercely protect each other in the face of danger. Every single day we spend laughing and playing together.

As I said earlier, I think I totally take this behavior for granted. I forget that all families are not like this. Not in the cases of abuse and such, of course I know that such atrocities exist, but I am speaking of just the "average" family.

As I think about it though, when my husband and I went to pick up our son who we adopted last April, we had to spend 10 days in the state we adopted from. During that period, we were just waiting on paperwork to clear, so we really had nothing to do. We would go out and walk around a shopping area or on the hotel grounds. We felt like we told his adoption story to every person we met because he was so tiny, and when people would ask us where we were from, it became obvious that we were not just on vacation with our one week old preemie.

Anyway, without fail, everyone asked how many kids we had and when we told them we had two 16 year olds they responded with utter shock. "How do they feel about you adopting a baby? Aren't they angry?"

Speaking of utter shock! I was the one shocked at such questions. Oh, how naive I truly am (and I like it this way, thankyouverymuch). My older kids have been begging us for years to adopt a baby, and even now, at 17 they daily ask when we are going to adopt another one! I can not imagine my children not embracing any and every child that God places in our family - with joy and love.

Why do I share this with you? I promise it is not to "rub it in" or say that we are "better" than other families. We have our struggles and our moments and we all have our individual "issues." No, I share this to encourage you and let you know that harmony in a family is possible. Too many people have said to me, "I wish we had what you have." I will not say it is easy. It is a daily sacrifice, on all of our parts to live together in peace. However, I know that it is possible to establish a bond between siblings that is tight and strong. Our kids know that their most important relationships, after Jesus, need to be with their parents and siblings. If friends, even good ones, interfere with that, we back off of play dates for a while and focus on relationships in our home. They truly are each other's best friends - and I truly am thankful and in light of recent conversations more humbled by this than ever.