"We choose not to find out."
"Well, it doesn't matter, as long as it is healthy?"
Have you ever had a conversation like this? You could be either person in the conversation, I suppose. The one who is expecting a baby or the one who is asking the questions.
I really don't like conversations that go along this path. What does that mean, "as long as it is healthy?" What if it is not healthy?
Don't get me wrong, when I am pregnant, I pray for a healthy baby. I don't think that too many people, if any, pray for a sick baby. We certainly do not want to see our children suffer and if we are totally honest, we don't want to deal with chronic or acute illness either. I also pray that God's will be done in the life of my baby and myself. I know that often His mercy, grace, and love are seen most clearly in suffering.
What I do not like, is for other people to say, "as long as it is healthy" to anyone who is pregnant. After all, if the baby is not healthy, it is not the person speaking, but the mom and dad who will have the suffering and the grace that comes with dealing with a sick child. I do realize that most people who say this are just making conversation. They probably don't know how to respond to the fact that the person doesn't know if they are having a boy or a girl, so they feel the need to fill quiet space. Just say, "Wow, how fun to be surprised!" That is really all that is necessary.
However, we would be remiss to assume that everyone is just making conversation. In our culture there are plenty of people who mean it when they say "as long as it is healthy." Plenty of people who, if it is not healthy, have no qualms at all about killing it. (Maybe, referring to a baby as it, as I have heard many, many people do, is part of the problem).
Since I love research and statistics, I can't help but share two that I recently learned. Over 90% of people who are told their baby has Downs Syndrome choose abortion. That is huge! I wonder how many of those babies really didn't have Downs to begin with, as is the case for at least two people that I know personally. Even if they did, is that any excuse? Living with the fact that you killed your baby is way worse than dealing with the issues associated with a Downs child. In fact, the vast majority of people I know or have read about claim their Downs child as their greatest blessing. A perpetually happy and affectionate child who will love and depend on you forever. There are worse things.
The second statistic hits me really close to home. Over 25% of people abort their baby when they find out they have a club foot! I have no words for this statistic. Our youngest son was born with a club foot. When we found out he had it, he was six days old and I was about to board a plane to fly across the country to pick him up. My pediatrician called me and had just spoken with the pediatric neonatologist at the hospital where Patrick was born. They had not noticed the foot earlier, and called my doctor to let him know. My doctor is a believer and very pro-life, and of course, he was just giving me a heads up. His words were, "don't worry, it is no big deal." The next call I got was from my attorney. He said, "We just found out the baby has a club foot, do you still want him?" I must say, I was appalled! We had already made a commitment to this baby, I was about to board a plane to go get my son. Not wanting him was not an issue - no matter what. I will be honest, I had no idea what a club foot even was, nor what it took to fix it, but that was really beside the point. If it wasn't "fixable" would that make him any less of a person? Would that mean he had no value? According to the stats, the answer to many people is yes.
It would never cross my mind to say that we have a "special needs" child. In case anyone is interested, fixing a club foot entails wearing a cast for a few weeks and wearing leather high top shoes to bed for a few years. Really, it is "no big deal" just as my doctor said.
The more I think about the term "special," which I know was probably invented to be politically correct. Retarded and other such terms are not appropriate anymore, and I'm not saying I disagree. I do think that special is certainly a better word. However, are we not all "special" to one degree or the other? All five of my kids have "special" needs. Needs that are individual to that child. One of my kids is super sensitive. She has the sweetest heart and it gets hurt often. You can trample her spirit with a glance. One of my kids had a classic, undiagnosed case of ADHD. I can tell you right now that he is a lot more difficult to deal with than any pair of shoes! And that type of thing does not show up on an ultra sound! On any given day, the "special" needs of each one of my kids changes. One day, we have anger to deal with, one day we have a day of "down in the dumps," some days we are giddy with happiness and silly to the point of disruption.
I like to call it LIFE!
God has uniquely gifted each one of us. Our needs change from day to day and year to year. However, all of us have intrinsic value, simply because we are created in His image. We bear the Imago Dei, the Image of the Invisible God - and it is good. All the time. Even in the midst of suffering and pain. Even in the midst of special medical, special learning, or special dietary needs. We are all "special" in the sight of the Creator, who gave His Son that we might live.
I think as a culture we have become so caught up in the perfect image that we are willing to go to any length to keep it up. That image doesn't even exist, yet in the name of perfection we have sacrificed our daughters. They are so caught up in image that eating disorders are not uncommon in little girls as young as nine! It is a sad and disgusting society that places value on a person based on how they look. We want perfect babies, in perfect nurseries that never cry and always babble happily from their cribs. It NEVER happens that way! We want beautiful children and teenagers, with no weight issues and no acne. Kids that excel at all subjects and every sport. Again, it NEVER happens! Then, as adults, we carry this desire for perfection into our marriages. We want everything to be picture perfect and when it isn't, we bail out. One look at divorce rates tell us that it NEVER is, yet people keep jumping back on the carousel, round and round through marriage after marriage. Always looking for that "perfect" one. It only gets uglier and uglier.
Really, it is time to start viewing ourselves as God sees us. If you are a believer, you are perfect in His sight. He sacrificed it all for you, and He didn't care whether you were pretty, thin, or smart. We all need to start looking a little deeper to see the true value of all people - babies, children, and adults. Maybe then we will become a culture that loves LIFE, rather than a culture that exalts things that only lead to death.
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