I was merely a child the night that I delivered these two precious bundles of joy. I had a lot of growing up to do, and they have been my guinea pigs through it all. There is no doubt I have made many mistakes along our journey together, but if I do say so myself, the good times have far outweighed the bad. Through it all we have loved. Through it all we have been about the business of grace. Through it all God has been good.
Parenting is one of those things that you are never truly prepared for. You are never ready to step off the cliff into that unknown mysterious world. That world where your heart is forever shredded by every siren, every late night phone call, every tear. That world where you know without a doubt that you would lay down your life without hesitation for these little people that live in your house.
The moment my babies were placed in my arms I knew, I knew that I was playing a part in something bigger than myself. Something that was so far beyond my control or even my ability to comprehend. I was scared too death and over the moon with excitement. I was too young and too immature that first time to even begin to realize the gravity of being a mom. I just knew that God had given me two, two real live baby dolls to dress up and play with. I loved them fiercely, but to be quite honest I had no idea what I had gotten myself into.
As the years have passed I have held three more of those tiny bundles in my arms, and it is no less miraculous each and every time. But, I will never never forget the feeling of first becoming a mommy. Of looking into tiny eyes, counting tiny fingers and toes, and kissing tiny cheeks for the very first time. Knowing that I was responsible for a life!
Joshua and Bryce, you have been there from the beginning. You have walked with me through some really low valleys and you have celebrated with me on some really high mountain tops. You made me a mommy and then you taught me how to love unconditionally. You helped me grow up and you were patient when I made mistakes.
I am blown away by who you have become. Your character, integrity, and the grace with which you live your lives brings me to my knees. Nothing in me was capable of raising you this way. God has been so good to all of us. He has protected you from my parenting experiments. The only thing I ever wanted was to do a good job at being your mom. I totally acknowledge that this is one of those things where you don't get any "do overs." However, so many times I mess up. Yet, you always show me grace and you continue to look to Christ as the author of your life.
Thank you. Thank you for your forgiveness, your unconditional love, your trust. I will spend the rest of my days thanking God for giving me what I do not deserve and allowing me to be your mom.
Now you are all grown up. In just a few short months you will graduate from high school and be off on your own adventures. God is going to take you to great places, of that I have no doubt. You are both so different, yet in your own individual ways you radiate joy and grace. You impact everyone who knows you and I am so excited to see where He will take you. Being a mom has been the greatest adventure of my life and you two started me on the journey. Becoming your mom was the best thing, apart from my salvation, that has ever happened to me. Daddy and I could not love you any more than we do right now. We are so blessed that God chose us. Follow Jesus, no matter where you go, what you do, or what that looks like and you will never be more than a breath away from joy.
I love you my dears.
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