Growing Up

I am feeling very contemplative lately.  It feels very strange to me that my two oldest are now, in the eyes of the world, considered adults.  When we go to a doctor's appointment (which we have been doing a lot of lately - I'll explain in a minute), the doctor doesn't hand the paperwork to me anymore, no, they want them to sign in the appropriate spaces.  Funny, how much authority is handed to them overnight, meanwhile I'm still paying!  Just sayin.

Our family has always adopted the philosophy of "no teenagers" anyway, so this jump into adulthood has come about over the past several years and I know my kids are mature enough to be considered adults.  Heck, they are more mature in many ways than lots of adults I have encountered in my life.  They are responsible, of high integrity, capable of doing things on their own (cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc.).  They are spiritually mature, and I can set them free knowing that they are ready to meet God, should He call them home "early."

My dear friend and mentor Mardy Freeman lost her son Patrick about eight weeks ago.  I am not going to go into detail about Patrick's death because that is Mardy's story to tell.  I do have her permission to share her blog with you though, so if you are interested in following her as she shares how she is dealing with grief, you can go here.  I have known Mardy for ten years and she is one of my dearest friends and the only person in my life I call my mentor.  I can tell her anything, and believe me I have!  She has the gift of encouragement and you just feel better by being in her presence.  Sometimes, when I have had a period of time of just being down or irritable, my kids will say to me, "Mom, we have got this, why don't you go visit Mrs. Freeman?"  Before we moved, she lived over four hours away!  But, my kids saw the value in me being near her, if only for a quick lunch date.

In her last blog post, Mardy said something that has resonated with me at this point in our lives.  She said  (and I am not quoting exactly) that she has not experienced the anger part of the grieving process, though she acknowledges that it might come, and that is ok.  She feels though that part of why she has not been angry at God is because they gave all of their children back to Him on the day they were born.  They knew and acknowledged that Patrick belonged to God all of His life.  Therefore, she doesn't have the feeling that God took something away that belonged to her.  Yes, she is overwhelmingly sad, afraid, and horrified at losing her precious son, but Patrick belonged to God, not to her.  She said that she had to realize that God was writing Patrick's story.  Her only request has been that all of her children and grandchildren until Jesus returns know and love Him, so that they will spend eternity together.  Wow.  I want to trust like that.

As my oldest are growing up, I have to allow God to write their story.  We also gave all of our children back to God when they were born.  We trust and acknowledge that they are His, on loan to us to raise and love and point to Him.  They do not belong to us, therefore, they can't be "taken" from us.  God, who holds ALL things in His hand, is holding them as well, and He alone is writing their stories.  I want to watch my children fly (figuratively and literally) and let God lead them where He wants them to go.  I want to do this without fear and anxiety.  I don't want to mar their excitement of growing up with my insecurities.  I want them to live the adventurous life that God planned.  Christianity is not boring.  It is not a hum drum existence of church attendance and pious behavior.  It is wild and free and dangerous.  Truly following Jesus takes you to the ends of the earth and into the war zone.  The enemy does not freely release his followers, they must be fought for - spiritually and physically.  I raised my children to desire to be in the middle of that fight but from our living room table, it didn't seem nearly as threatening.  Now, they are going out - into the battle.

I am their Mama.  It is hard to watch them go.  Hard to know that they will be in a place where I can't keep them safe.  Oh, I trust them.  If I didn't, I wouldn't allow them to go.  If I didn't think they were ready to stand firm in their faith I would keep them at home.  But, they are. I know it and it is time.

Back to our doctor's visits lately.  I am absolutely astounded at the options for health care (real health care) out here.  I have easily found so many doctors who believe, as I do, in proactive health care and in finding the root of health issues rather than masking symptoms with a pill.  It is refreshing.  It renews my sense that America still has a chance of recovering our health.  Anyway, in making vaccine decisions about Bryce's travels, I have consulted naturopaths, holistic chiropractors, constitutional homeopaths, and conventional medical doctors.  I have never discussed our vaccine schedule on my blog before, but suffice it to say, it is "alternative."  I am very uncomfortable with the recommended vaccines for travel, but I also acknowledge that some illnesses can not be cured and I have no desire to be reckless with my daughter's health.  What I want to do is trust.  I want to trust with such abandon that I throw caution to the wind and expect that God will protect my daughter.  I know He can.  Of that, I have NO doubt whatsoever.  I also know that sometimes He wants us to trust Him to protect us through medical advances.  My problem is that I have a hard time knowing the difference.  So, I am asking literally everyone I can think of.  I think we have settled on receiving vaccinations for the diseases that are usually fatal and without a cure.  Really, that is far fewer than you might think.  Then, we are going to use constitutional homeopathy and holistic chiropractic care to clear her body of the harmful side effects.  It is a process and it is one I am thankful that I am able to pursue.  

I will be writing more in a health notes post about how we prepared for travel to a Third World country.  This is all new territory to me and one I am praying I make the right decisions about.  I think that health care in America is becoming nothing but a well oiled money making machine, with the actual patients as the ones who get the short end of the stick.  I think that antibiotics have been over prescribed to the point of real, imminent danger in the form of MRSA and other things.  I think that the vaccine schedule that our precious babies are put on is abhorrent and that we as yet have NO idea what the end result of this greed will be.  However, even with all of that, I still acknowledge that living in America, I never think about contracting typhoid if I decide to visit my friend five states away.  Since Bryce's decision to travel to Africa, I have had to research diseases and preventatives that I have never really given much thought to.  Soon, I will post what we have come up with.

So, all in all, my "babies" are all grown up.  They are embarking on the calling that God has placed on their lives.  This is definitely harder than I thought it would be.  After eighteen years of home schooling, I thought I would be ready.  I am excited for them, but I am not sure a mom can ever be ready to let go.