Dear 2012 Self

I am writing this "letter" as much to myself as any of you reading, but I am praying that  someone else needs to hear it as well.

This year has been rough.  At risk of being completely redundant, I will not subject you to another "pity party" about how this move has affected our family.  What I want to say to you today is that, no matter what is going through your head right now -  you are not a failure as a mom.

If you are reading this and you look around your house and it is a wreck, dinner is not even thought of much less begun, your kids are bickering (again), and school (or homework) is not finished, and you just want to go crawl into bed - that still does not make you a failure at motherhood.  It truly just makes you normal (whatever the heck that is).

I know you read blogs that talk about children working together to surprise mom with a clean kitchen while she is running errands.  I know that all the pictures show smiling kids and smiling moms (at the same time).  I know that everyone looks peaceful and happy and serene.  Because, honestly, who wants to read a blog that is constantly a downer?  My kids all look happy on my blog too and if I am honest, much of the time, they are happy.  Except when they aren't. They have also cleaned up the kitchen as a surprise for me - sometime in the last year or so.

Some days as the laundry piles higher and the attitudes are worse than the grimy dishes that sit in the sink, I truly have to remind myself that these days are fleeting.  I know they are and I know that the mess in the family room is a sunny day compared to the mess in the hearts and emotions of teenagers and young adults trying to make life decisions.  I know that this time will pass and I will miss it.  I know this because I have the unique privilege of having children that range in age from almost 19 down to 2.  I have had the opportunity to miss the days of sticky kisses, sweet, innocent "I love yous," and sleepless nights rocking a crying baby- and now I have the opportunity to have them back again.  These days are worth every upturned toy bin and every stray Lego that you step on in the middle of the night.  But, feeling overwhelmed and unable to keep up does not mean that you don't appreciate that fact.  It just means that you are human and have human emotions and feelings and very human stamina.  Toddlers have more energy bottled up inside their pint sized bodies than any mama can keep up with - no matter what the blogs say!!

So, go easy on yourself.  God doesn't make mistakes.  You are the mama that your children need and whatever your shortcomings, your love for them shines brighter.  You love your children with a fierce, protective love and you bring them before the throne of God and give them back to Him every day, not only in words, but in your actions.  At the end of the day, that is all that truly matters.