My husband is a man of upmost integrity. The dictionary definition of that word is, "adherence to moral and ethical principles, soundness of moral character, honesty." Anyone who knows Stan well comments on his integrity at some point. I know sin can easily entrap anyone and believe me I know that Stan is not perfect, but I have honestly never once questioned or worried for one second about his faithfulness to me and our family. The more people I talk to I am finding that sadly that is not a common thing to be able to say about one's spouse. His integrity is solid. He is hard working, faithful, and completely trustworthy. He loves Jesus with his whole heart and he leads our family well.
So, here's the confession. I am not so trustworthy. I am not speaking of marital faithfulness or anything like that. What I am saying is that I have not fully been trusting my husband's heart. I have allowed the enemy to slip in and whisper in my ear the oldest lie of all - "you know best." Pride. Pure, simple, and sinful. Just like my sister Eve, instead of trusting God and trusting my husband, I too often think that I know better what is best for my life. Silly, stupid, and prideful. But, oh too true.
For us, it is always in the area of adoption. A good thing, right? Of course it is. I stand by what I always say here - God's heart is for the orphan and everyone has a role to play in their redemption. Here is the thing though, God's heart is also for marriage and His best for your life as a wife is to be submissive to your husband. Yes, He woos the tender heart of the mother, and yes, He plants deep within all of us the desire to love and protect children. However, He also speaks through your husband about your family planning.
My heart is huge, huge for the needy - orphans, widows, single moms, the poor. I would adopt all 163,000,000 of them if humanly possible. I would. There is no material thing I would not give up without a second thought in order to bring more children into our home. Not one thing. It is what my heart desires to spend my life for. But, if I am truly to be the wife that God intends for me to be and if I am truly to receive God's best for my life - I have to trust my husband.
I know he is a good man. I know he loves the Lord. I know he loves the orphan. Yet, I constantly feel resentment towards him about the fact that we are not currently in the middle of another adoption. I am constantly making nagging comments and saying things that make him feel belittled in this area. Not in front of anyone else, but integrity is who you are when no one is looking - and God is always looking anyway.
I know that if God speaks to Stan about another adoption, he will obey. I know that, yet I am always trying to play God in our family and decide that we are not doing enough for the orphan if we are not in the middle of an adoption right now. I look at others who seem to bring home one child after another and I am insanely jealous. I know how wrong that is, but I'm confessing, remember?
God has been really working on my heart the past few weeks in this area. I should have learned my lesson years ago. I have blogged the whole story before about how long I nagged and nagged Stan about adoption, then finally laid it on the alter, and less than six months later I was holding my son. I know how this works. I have to trust God and it has to be ok if things never work out the way I think they should. It is not about me - it is about His glory. I believe that with all of my heart, but it is oh so hard sometimes to lay it down.
So, today I read a blog post at Traded Dreams, written by Lauren's husband. What he said just resonated with me and it was the final blow from God to me on this issue. Just because Stan is not as loud as I am in advocating for adoption does not mean he doesn't care. Just because he doesn't blog about it, Facebook about it, and talk to every stranger he meets in the grocery store about adoption does not mean he doesn't love the orphan. Stan has adopted three children - Joshua, Bryce and Patrick. He loves the fatherless. He works crazy hard so that I can donate to countless adoption fundraisers and he never says a word about how much I spend doing that. He knew exactly what the right timing was for Patrick's adoption. We were holding our baby three weeks to the day after he told me the time was right. Clearly, he listens to God.
I am hereby, once again, laying my desire to adopt more children on the alter. If we never adopt another child, I am ok with that. Truly. I have five beautiful treasures who are all committed to adopting their own one day and promise to give me dozens of grandchildren in all colors of the rainbow. That is enough.
There are countless other things I can do for the orphan besides adopt. I will continue to faithfully love orphans, widows, and vulnerable children. I will continue to financially support orphan ministries that are in the thick of it, serving children on the streets. I will continue to financially support others as they adopt, and maybe I will get involved in some local ministries that support at risk children in my area. Maybe the most important of all, I will continue to storm the gates of heaven on behalf of these children who are oh so precious in the sight of God.
Starting right this second, I will trust my husband's heart for our family and I will trust that he is listening to and obeying God. He has proven his integrity over and over and I am going to stop trying to plan everything and just continue to live the life that God has given me - striving to give Him all the glory.
So, here's the confession. I am not so trustworthy. I am not speaking of marital faithfulness or anything like that. What I am saying is that I have not fully been trusting my husband's heart. I have allowed the enemy to slip in and whisper in my ear the oldest lie of all - "you know best." Pride. Pure, simple, and sinful. Just like my sister Eve, instead of trusting God and trusting my husband, I too often think that I know better what is best for my life. Silly, stupid, and prideful. But, oh too true.
For us, it is always in the area of adoption. A good thing, right? Of course it is. I stand by what I always say here - God's heart is for the orphan and everyone has a role to play in their redemption. Here is the thing though, God's heart is also for marriage and His best for your life as a wife is to be submissive to your husband. Yes, He woos the tender heart of the mother, and yes, He plants deep within all of us the desire to love and protect children. However, He also speaks through your husband about your family planning.
My heart is huge, huge for the needy - orphans, widows, single moms, the poor. I would adopt all 163,000,000 of them if humanly possible. I would. There is no material thing I would not give up without a second thought in order to bring more children into our home. Not one thing. It is what my heart desires to spend my life for. But, if I am truly to be the wife that God intends for me to be and if I am truly to receive God's best for my life - I have to trust my husband.
I know he is a good man. I know he loves the Lord. I know he loves the orphan. Yet, I constantly feel resentment towards him about the fact that we are not currently in the middle of another adoption. I am constantly making nagging comments and saying things that make him feel belittled in this area. Not in front of anyone else, but integrity is who you are when no one is looking - and God is always looking anyway.
I know that if God speaks to Stan about another adoption, he will obey. I know that, yet I am always trying to play God in our family and decide that we are not doing enough for the orphan if we are not in the middle of an adoption right now. I look at others who seem to bring home one child after another and I am insanely jealous. I know how wrong that is, but I'm confessing, remember?
God has been really working on my heart the past few weeks in this area. I should have learned my lesson years ago. I have blogged the whole story before about how long I nagged and nagged Stan about adoption, then finally laid it on the alter, and less than six months later I was holding my son. I know how this works. I have to trust God and it has to be ok if things never work out the way I think they should. It is not about me - it is about His glory. I believe that with all of my heart, but it is oh so hard sometimes to lay it down.
So, today I read a blog post at Traded Dreams, written by Lauren's husband. What he said just resonated with me and it was the final blow from God to me on this issue. Just because Stan is not as loud as I am in advocating for adoption does not mean he doesn't care. Just because he doesn't blog about it, Facebook about it, and talk to every stranger he meets in the grocery store about adoption does not mean he doesn't love the orphan. Stan has adopted three children - Joshua, Bryce and Patrick. He loves the fatherless. He works crazy hard so that I can donate to countless adoption fundraisers and he never says a word about how much I spend doing that. He knew exactly what the right timing was for Patrick's adoption. We were holding our baby three weeks to the day after he told me the time was right. Clearly, he listens to God.
I am hereby, once again, laying my desire to adopt more children on the alter. If we never adopt another child, I am ok with that. Truly. I have five beautiful treasures who are all committed to adopting their own one day and promise to give me dozens of grandchildren in all colors of the rainbow. That is enough.
There are countless other things I can do for the orphan besides adopt. I will continue to faithfully love orphans, widows, and vulnerable children. I will continue to financially support orphan ministries that are in the thick of it, serving children on the streets. I will continue to financially support others as they adopt, and maybe I will get involved in some local ministries that support at risk children in my area. Maybe the most important of all, I will continue to storm the gates of heaven on behalf of these children who are oh so precious in the sight of God.
Starting right this second, I will trust my husband's heart for our family and I will trust that he is listening to and obeying God. He has proven his integrity over and over and I am going to stop trying to plan everything and just continue to live the life that God has given me - striving to give Him all the glory.
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