Better Late Than Early

I wish I had been smart enough to coin that phrase, but a man much wiser than I actually wrote a book with that title.  Dr. Raymond Moore, known to many of us as the father of the modern home schooling movement, wrote the book cautioning parents against the dangers of pushing children academically too hard or too early.

I agree 110% with Dr. Moore and I have never agreed more than I do this year.  I want to follow up my last post on home schooling with this one.  Again, my prayer is that it encourages someone, somewhere in your own journey - especially when the journey is bumpy, as mine has been these past five years.

As I said yesterday, my first two pupils children were a teacher's home schooling mama's dream.  They were compliant, they loved learning, and they were easy to teach.  My daughter could read fluently at four.  I did not teach her that.  Her twin brother followed soon after.  I don't remember any tears during the process.  At the time, I had a copy of Dr. Moore's book, and in theory, I agreed with it - but, I was after all, the most competent home schooling mama that ever walked the planet.  Both my kids could read by five!

Soon, I had another baby - and then another.  Those next two were just not cut from the same mold.  My next daughter hated to read.  I can't really say she struggled to learn how, she just refused to practice much, so fluency was hard won.  There were many tears shed during the process.

My next child, a son, is the one who has caused me to bring the book out again and again.  He is the one who has brought me to my knees.  Because of him, I now realize that there is nothing competent about this home schooling mama.  It was God's grace alone that caused my oldest two to be prolific readers at five.  It was certainly not my skill as a teacher.

My Graham has been a challenge from the time he could walk.  Like my other children, he was an excellent baby.  I am terrible at scheduling, so I just nurse my babies on demand and they sleep in our bed.  It generally makes for happy babies, even if Mom is a little tired.  However, from the time he put one chubby foot in front of another, he has been marching to the beat of his own drum.  I don't know what God has in store for him, but I know it is going to be wild and dangerous.  He is fearless, courageous, and has a protective instinct that is unbelievable.  He loves me fiercely, yet of all my kids he can drive me to tears in a second.  Everything is a disaster to him - "over react" in an understatement.

As for "school," it is a nuisance to Graham in every sense of the word.  He simply does not want to be bothered.  Give him a challenge and he is on it.  Give him something to do that is useful and necessary and you will not be disappointed.  Try to give him "busy work" and you will think you have been locked in a cage with a tiger.  He can not abide with boredom or monotony.  He needs to live on a farm - seriously.  He has always had a mind for math, capable of doing pretty difficult problems in his head since he was little.  If I would give him all of his math assignments orally, he would never complain, but making him write down numbers generates a melt down almost every time.

Reading has been our biggest issue.  He just has not been able to make it click.  I honestly believe he has simply not seen any point.  The mantra "better late than early" became my lifeline as he approached ten years old and still could barely read a simple sentence.  I admit I was getting nervous, but I was doing my best not to show it.  Science, he loves - the more explosive the better.  Math, he is good at - even though he fights me on actually writing it down.  I knew he was capable of learning, his memory is phenomenal.  I began to suspect he had a touch of dyslexia and there is no doubt in my mind he is a textbook case of ADHD.  I have never used the letters ADHD to him and just this year we talked about dyslexia and what it is.  I explained that it only means he has to work a little harder.  It is a challenge to overcome, it is not who he is.

  I hate labels.  I want my children to have all the necessary help to thrive, but I know that I know them better than anyone.  I am sure there are real life cases of ADHD and autism and all other ranges of neurological issues, I know plenty of people with precious children struggling with all of these things - but, forgive me for being so blunt - in my opinion, these "issues" are WAY over diagnosed.  We, in America, are drugging our children into oblivion.  Especially our little boys.  God did not create little boys to behave like little girls.  Do you really want you little boy to sit quietly with his hands folded meekly for hours per day?  Apparently, we do because if your son is in a traditional school setting that is exactly what he is expected to do.  Some boys can handle it, but most just can't.  It is not the way they are made.  They are made to conquer, to rescue, to provide, and protect.  They are made to go out and hunt the food, clean the food, and eat the food.  They are made to rescue and protect the ones they love. I want my boys to grow into men.  Our culture has enough adult "boys."

So, we have waited and prayed.  Graham has matured.  He is tough as nails, but at the same time the first of my children to notice when I have a need.  He reads my mind and does his best to console me if I am upset.  He tries to help and ease my burden.  As I type he has just announced that I am to leave the kitchen, he is making home made pizza for supper.  The kitchen is a wreck, much the same as it would be if my husband decided to make home made pizza, but the extra work I will do to clean it up is worth it because he had the heart to want to help.  A few nights ago, my husband had to work late and I wanted to grill chicken for supper.  It is a long standing joke in our family that mom is dangerous when trying to light a grill and my husband decreed years ago that I am not to go near it.  Graham decided that he was going to grill the chicken - and start to finish, he did.  It was the best chicken ever grilled in our house - everyone commented on it - he was so proud of himself.

Seeing my sons grow spiritually and mature into responsible men is my goal.  As I stated previously, academics was never our main focus.  I am much more concerned about their hearts than I am their SAT scores.  However, I said it yesterday, I will say it again, God pays for what He orders.  About six months ago, we all began to notice that Graham was reading billboards as we drove down the road, reading his own menu in a restaurant, and reading the fronts of magazines in the grocery store (that is when I wish they were all illiterate).  He was starting to realize that in the world we live in, you must read.  You must read to drive.  You must read to get a job.  You must read to follow a recipe.  He was beginning to see the point.  Obviously, he had been listening to the many reading lessons we had over the years, because within an amazingly short period of time he went from barely being able to sound out a simple sentence to being capable of reading absolutely anything on our shelf.

He is now fully literate and reads as well as any of my other kids read at ten.  I have to ask myself - would pushing him and making him feel stupid and "behind" have really done any of us any favors?  He reads exactly the same as the others did at the same age.  Exactly the same.  In the long run does it really matter that two of them read at five, one at seven, and him at ten?  I don't think so.

So, if you have a child that is struggling academically, it is very likely that time is all you need.  Not labels, not condemnation - just time.  Boys are hands on - they want to make things blow up and they want to run outside.  It is the way they are wired - it is what your husband really wants to do too, if he is honest.  They will have to grow up one day - let them be boys for a while.