Teach Them to Fish

I became a parent at 20.  Yep, Twen-TY.  To twins.  Surprise twins.  As in, "uh oh, there's another one" in the delivery room twins.  I celebrated my 21st birthday as a single mom with two 7 month olds.  To say I was woefully unprepared is the understatement of the century.

The past 22 years have been a lesson in learning for all of us - sometimes a very hard lesson.  I am now the mother of six that range in age from 3 to 22.   I have written a lot about parenting from a spiritual standpoint, but I have never really written much about it from a practical view.  Mostly because I am a hot mess and no one that you really want to take housekeeping or pragmatic organizational tips from.  Believe me.

However, I recently keep encountering people who are totally in shock that my kids do their own laundry and that they can cook meals.  Like total shock.

So, I have a few things to say.  Take it or leave it - but, I recommend you take it because it will free you up some extra time.  

 Your kids are more capable than you think they are.

They are.  Don't let them fool you by sleeping in until 10:00 on the weekends and dragging around moaning that we have "noooo food around here" - even after you just spent $200 at the grocery store. What you bought was "ingredients" - which now must be turned into food on the plate.  They can do that.  I promise.  

I cook dinner every night.  Every.night.  I mean, who knew they would want to eat so often??   And in the mornings I usually sauté a pan of chicken sausage and spinach or put on a pot of oatmeal - I do have little ones, and I promise I do feed them.  Lunch, I make the littles a sandwich or heat up something that is leftover.  But, if the big kids want more than a sandwich, then they know where the kitchen is.  I do not have time to cook three meals a day for 8 people.  Not and accomplish anything else.  So, I taught my kids to cook.  Even my five year old can make simple things that don't need the stove or a sharp knife.  By the time they are 10 though, good grief, they can make a five course dinner!  Homemade.  So could yours.  My kids make the yummiest things.  Homemade soups from scratch, baked goods from scratch, all sorts of recipes that they come up with own their own.  

How did I teach them?  Mostly I had them watch me and we talked about it.  I am amazed at how many people don't talk to their kids.  I let them choose what to cook, and help me shop for the ingredients.  Then if there was something I didn't know how to make, well....Google.  Or even better if you are a visual learner - YouTube.  You can watch anything being prepared step by step on YouTube.   Truly, Moms - free yourself up a little.  Assign lunch or dinner to a different child once a week.  Everyone benefits - and their future spouses will thank you.

Next up - laundry.  Seriously - you do your children's laundry???  Don't you know that is why they throw clean clothes in the hamper?  I know it is why I did.  It is like living at Downton - you take the clothes off and wad them up and voila, wake up the next morning and they are washed and folded and back in your drawers.  Sorry kids - this ain't Downton.   When my kids turn 8, they do their own laundry.  I make sure they all have hampers in their rooms and then I give them each a day.  If your day is Tuesday, then no one else can wash that day and you have until 5:00 to wash and dry ALL of your clothes.  If you choose not to do that, well, you best turn your underwear inside out, cause you are not washing again until next Tuesday.  You don't have to enforce that but once, believe me.  

So, cooking and laundry are the biggest things - at least for me.  Think of the free time you could have.  Of course, I also make sure my kids know how to clean things - toilets, floors, windows.  Don't let your kids grow up helpless - you are raising adults, not children.  Society needs them to be able to function.  And as a side note, if you use non-toxic cleaning products (I can set you up with some of those), then you can start really young with the cleaning.  Patrick loves to wash dishes and spray cleaner all over the counters.  He empties the silverware from the dishwasher and he folds the washcloths.  Now, my 14 year old doesn't love doing dishes anymore, but he can - and his wife will be glad.  

Finally, taking out the trash.  At our house, this is always the job of the boy between about 12-16 or so.  Josh is so glad he graduated from that job, and Graham laments the fact that Patrick is eight years younger than him, so he still has a while to go.  Anyway, getting the garbage out of the house is one thing - I find myself way too often opening the kitchen trash to throw something away and yelling, "Graaaaham!!!!!"  We're still working on that one.  Getting it to the street on trash days is something else though.  We have anywhere from 8-10 people that LIVE here all the time, plus countless visitors.  Missing the trash day around here is a catastrophe.  Funny story..... not long ago, Graham forgot the trash, woke up from a deep sleep, jumped up and literally ran down our long driveway dragging the ridiculously full can behind him.  The truck was at our neighbor's house and slowly moving towards our house.  Graham picked up the pace, the can bumping off the ground behind him - picture it.  The driver saw him coming and busted out laughing.  But, he stopped and waited and the crisis was averted.  

Now, you may wonder why Graham was so concerned about missing it.  Was it because it smells, it climbs the walls, and overflows out of the can - creating an aesthetics nightmare in our garage?  No.  It is because if you miss the trash day, the fine is $25.  I learned that from a friend when Josh was young.  We usually remind them the night before and they usually say, "I'll do it."  And then, they are apt to not.  I learned that a fine of 5 bucks just wasn't cutting it.  It was worth it to them to be lazy and pay 5 bucks.  Until a friend one day said, "Oh no, you have to make them feel it."  So - the fine went up.  It killed me - KILLED me to take $25 from my child the first time.  But, they are smart cookies - it only took once.  Now - voila, trash is always at the street on time.  Sometimes barely, in Graham's case - but, he has always loved to live on the edge!  

That's all I've got parents.  We are a hot mess most of the time - but these things do help and they prepare your child for the real world.  No one likes a helpless adult - making sure you raise responsible citizens is your job.  The time saved is your bonus.  Get to it!