We are going to CHINA - and SOON!!!!
Little man, we are coming for you.
Friends, we are so excited and terrified and in absolute LOVE with this cutie pie.
I have given birth - both by c-section and the "normal" way. I have had an epidural and I have had natural childbirth. I have heard the words "uh oh, there's another one!" (Yep, just like on tv). All of those things are a roller coaster of emotions. Having a child, no matter how it happens, is a miracle - the most common, every day miracle there is. It is beautiful, gloriously messy, and it rips your heart right out so that you can wear it on your sleeve for the rest of your life.
But, there is something different about adoption. Notice I did not say better or worse, just....different. When I walked into the NICU in a large metro hospital and looked down at Patrick for the first time, lying quietly sound asleep in the bassinet - all five pounds of him - something different happened to me. Something extremely difficult to put into words.
Most Mommies just instinctively know they will love their babies. They envision what they are going to look like, smell like, and be like. You carry them under your heart for 9 months and you feel them move inside of you. You feel them kick and you fall in love. You long to meet this little person that you and God have grown, and at the same time you panic towards the end because you like them right where they are - tucked under your heart, safe and always right there with you. I know I felt like that and as a doula I have heard it countless times.
Adoption doesn't give you all of those things. It gives you other things, other ways of falling in love. I have carried pictures of Jeremiah with me for 10 months now, I have shown them to everyone. Every day I have fallen a little more in love with his smile. But, until that moment that he is placed in my arms, I don't know what he smells like, I haven't counted his fingers and toes for myself. I don't know what he likes and doesn't like or how his little voice sounds when he is happy (or mad). I don't know if he is stubborn (likely - since God created him for our family). Or maybe he is going to be easy going - I think I have one of those out of the five others.
God and I have grown him too. Just differently. He has grown in the long hours in my prayer closet, in the tears, in the pictures and updates that I have cherished and read over and over. He has grown in my heart and in my imagination. And likely the reality is going to play out a little differently. I know what to expect on Gotcha Day - I have watched Gotcha Day videos for over a dozen years. Wondering if it would ever be me that received a squirmy toddler in a faraway land. I know exactly what to expect --- the unexpected. I have envisioned ten million Gotcha Days in my head and it will likely not look like even one of them.
So, I would love for you guys to follow us to China. I will update as often as I can in the country - and certainly have lots to say upon our return. Your prayers are much much appreciated.
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