Decisions, Decisions....

I am so convicted lately of how "inadequate" I truly am. I think that overall I am a fairly good mom. My kids seems to love me (and like me most of the time), their friends think we are "cool" (not sure I was going for that, but whatever), and we laugh a lot and have a good time together (except when we don't, but I've blogged about all that before, so I'll leave it for another day).

However, the more I grow in the Lord and want to please Him, the more I realize how far I have to go. I do not subscribe in any way to a "works" mentality. It took years of counseling to get over that implied doctrine that I grew up with. I'm kidding, I didn't really go to counseling over it, but I probably should have. Anyway, I know who I am in Christ and I know that I am complete in His sight. I know that all my good deeds are as filthy rags before the throne.

But....

I also know how much He sacrificed for me. I know that I was created for good works which He prepared in advance for me to do. Furthermore, I want to please Him. I want to do things right. Oh, how often I mess it up.

Right now we are trying to make some decisions about next year's schooling. This year we joined a Classical Conversations Community with the younger two kids. Don't get me wrong, I think CC is a very impressive program. I love the philosophy of Classical education, I totally agree with it, and I am happy with what my kids have learned and accomplished this year.

But....

Here's a newsflash! I do not think that we are "school" type of people. Even for one day a week the whole get out the door, get your homework done, stay out of the house for six hours......UGH! It really has been stressful for me this year and for the kids. Now, I have to decide if the benefits outweigh the stresses. I'm still just not sure they do.

I was reading one of my favorite books the other day in the bathroom (I was watching Patrick play in the tub, not actually using the bathroom - just in case you were wondering). The book is Ten Peas in A Pod by Arnold Pent III. It is not written to make people like me feel completely guilt ridden, but alas, that is pretty much what it does. Why I call it one of my favorite books and continue to pick it up, I don't know. However, the fact that it has ended up in the bathroom may be worth noting.

This book is the true account of the Pent family as they traveled all over the country spreading the gospel. It is hilarious to read some of their adventures with a father who was so driven that he packed up their pick up truck with his eight children and weary wife and set out over the country to who knows where sharing why people should read and memorize the Bible. The guilt part for me is that all eight of those children could recite massive chunks of Scripture on command at very young age, they read through the Bible 8 - 10 times per year as a family, and they all truly seemed to love the Lord and have a soft heart for the lost.

How does that happen?

Honestly, I'm not sure, but I can tell you how it doesn't happen. It doesn't happen sitting in front of a television. It doesn't happen wasting time on material pursuits. It doesn't happen running frantically from one activity to another - even good activities.

Please don't hear me saying that I wish we were the type of family who sits around with our halos on, reading Scripture 12 hours per day. I don't think that is the life we are called to live. I do believe that we need to be out and about in the world, being the change we wish to see. However, I know we could do better than we do. I know that we are innately lazy and we waste too much time. I know that if my kids have the ability to memorize and recite entire movie scripts that they should know more of God's Word by heart. I know that my attitude is not what it should be most of the time.

And I am convicted.

Stan and I are prayerfully considering have an entire year with no outside activities at all. A year of being at home. A year of being out and about in our community, meeting people and being an active testimony. A year of advocating for the orphan as a family, and maybe gaining a new sibling. A year of traveling and meeting new people. A year of learning the practical things that take you through life - sewing, baking, changing the oil in the car, changing a flat tire. A year of making the Word of God our main "textbook."

I could get pretty excited about a year like that. I wonder how excited my kids will be?