I have to admit, I am starting to feel a bit nostalgic and quite sad. After my last post where I said I just couldn't complain about our move, the enemy decided to attack my heart. I feel like complaining right now - about how my kids will NOT stop fighting, how the baby is breaking out with some type of rash that I am very afraid might be the chicken pox, how I add dozens of things to my to do list per day and only seem to subtract one or two. At that rate, I will not be ready to leave on the 10th!!
I'm going to leave the complaining there, but the sad part is really sinking in this week. Christmas music is in the air, decorations and lights are appearing up and down our street, and I have seen a few trees peeking through windows as we ride through town. My decorations, on the other hand, are packed in my garage, where they will remain until the movers come, probably in February. It makes me very sad that this is the first year Patrick would probably enjoy it (thankfully, I know he wouldn't remember) and we are not going to pick a Christmas tree from the sweet couple we buy from every year. We won't be tying it to the top of the truck, piling in, and riding the two miles home to make hot chocolate, read The Pine Tree Parable and string lights. I am sad that my huge wreath that hangs over my fireplace and my nativity fireplace screen (my all time favorite decoration) will not be gracing our home this year. Instead, I am packing up my life and the lives of our five children into 8 suitcases and a Suburban to arrive in a city across the country eight days before Christmas. My husband, wonderful man though he is, is the most un-sentimental person I have ever known. He is perfectly ok with no tree and no lights. I am not very materialistic and I could care less about tons of presents or an abundance of Christmas decor.
However, I do like for Christmas to be special for our kids - to reflect on the ultimate gift of Jesus. I like for us to snuggle up with our favorite Christmas stories, and I LOVE sitting in a dark family room late at night with a cup of tea and only the lights of the tree illuminating the room. The thought that these things will not happen this year and that there is nothing I can think of to do about it makes me just plain sad. I know how blessed we are and how much we have to be thankful for. I know that God is totally leading us in this move. In fact, I am getting very excited about it! I can not wait to see what He has for us in Arizona. I know it is going to be amazing. In fact, He has already given me some specific blessings that could not have happened if we had not obeyed Him. However, leaving what you have known for 17 years is hard. The emotions are raw and gut wrenching. I have only moved one other time in my life and that was when I left my home town as a newly married bride almost 17 years ago. That was hard and emotional, no doubt. However, I was young, naive, and so in love with my handsome new husband. I would have gone to the Moon without hesitation. Now, I am not so young, not so naive, but praise God still very much in love with my handsome "not so new" husband! I would still go to the Moon with only a little hesitation. But, when you add five kids to the mix, you get five more sets of gut wrenching emotion and it is killing my Mama's heart to see them hurting. I want to fix it, but I know that God wants them to walk through it. He wants them to see His hand guiding it all and He wants them to trust Him.
I want to do this with grace. Some days I feel like I am doing ok and some days I feel like I am teetering on the edge.
Would you pray for me please?
1 comment:
I will be praying for you Shelby; uprooting is HARD, exposing roots to unfamiliar air - it is a grieving process indeed - saying goodbye, loosing the familiar, sad, exciting, uncertain. I pray you say good goodbyes; it will help the process be done well. Love you!
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