I have had a hard week. Probably the hardest week I have had in a LONG time. Last Monday Patrick began breaking out in what I thought were chicken pox. I knew he had been exposed and I just assumed that is what it was. We still don't know for sure if it was or not, but whatever it started out as, his immune system went into overdrive. The rash progressed faster than anything I have ever seen, and though both our pediatrician and dermatologist assure me they have seen worse, I never want to see anything like this again in my life! His little face got infected and it was (and is) by far, the most pitiful thing I have ever seen! He started a round of antibiotics on Friday and he looks at least 65% better today. It is still shocking to look at if you didn't see it at its worst, but it is SO much better.
For the past six days, we have been in the house, with the exception of our runs to the doctor's office. Patrick has been completely himself the entire ordeal - no fever, and eating, sleeping and playing normally. All of this is a huge praise, of course, but it has also led him to be a very hyper little boy with cabin fever. After all, he can't understand why we can't go to the park or out and about in our normal routine.
Me, on the other hand, I have had an inordinate amount of time to think and pray (and watch too many movies on my iPad). Day after day I have held my little boy, kissed his red and oozing face and begged Jehova Rapha to heal my baby. I have watched him sleep peacefully, wondering how his face could not be excruciating and thanked God for protecting him from the pain and other typical symptoms of a miserable viral infection. I have experienced the caring and compassion of my amazing pediatrician and two holistic doctors. All three of them have called and texted me at all hours of the day and night to check on Patrick and my pediatrician even came to our house late one night just because he couldn't get Patrick off his mind and wanted to check on him in person.
God has wrapped His arms around me during this week and I have experienced Him. I know without a doubt that in and of myself, this would have put me over the edge! After all, six days from now I am supposed to be in the car for a six day drive to Phoenix! For good. With two of our five children, the dog, the turtle, and all the possessions I might need for at least three months of temporary living. I am nowhere near prepared to make this trip.
I also realized this week that God has been working on me the past eight weeks. My husband left on October 3rd to start his new job. We have seen him a few times since then, when he flies in for the weekend. However, less than 48 hours every few weeks is really not much different than being alone. I love seeing him and am thrilled every time he comes home, but I feel like we have lived "separately" (though certainly not by choice) for the past two months. What I have learned during this time apart is that God is more than able to meet ALL of my needs and that within me I have all the power and strength of the Godhead. Through Him, I can do whatever I need to do and face whatever I need to face.
"For you equipped me with strength for the battle;
you made those who rise against me sink under me." 2 Samuel 22:40
Please, please hear my heart on this. I am not saying this in a "feminist," "woman power" way at all. I am saying this to declare unashamedly that apart from Christ I can do nothing, but with Him, I can do anything He leads me to do! If you had asked me a year ago if I could live by myself with our five children for almost three months, I would have told you absolutely NOT. If you had asked me if I could handle an illness of the severity Patrick's has been this week by myself without my husband home, I would have said absolutely NOT. Not to mention the fact that I found another breast lump a couple of weeks ago and had to go for testing (it was fine, by the way), plus packing, lining up a realtor, cleaning out closets, on top of the "normal" activities of a busy household. All of this combined makes me shudder to even type, but it has been over two months now and I am still sane! Not only that, I am thriving in my relationship to Christ because once again, He has been faithful. In the words of Jesus' own mother, "He who is mighty has done great things for me, holy is His name." Luke 1:49
If you are reading this, and like me, have spent most of your life being Much Afraid from the book Hind's Feet on High Places; if you have spent too much time worrying about what is around the next bend instead of living in the moment God has given you - then, from one Much Afraid to another, let me assure you that you that He always gives the grace you need for the moment. He doesn't promise grace in advance to cover your made up fears and insecurities. No, he died on the cross for those. What He does promise is that He will never leave or forsake you. His grace is greater than all of our sins and I can promise you it comes right on time - every time.
I don't agree with the popular cliche that I can find no where in Scripture that says "He won't give you more than you can handle." In fact, I believe that He will give you more than you can handle. In fact, after these last two months, I know it without a doubt. He has recently given me far and beyond more than I can handle. What He will never do is give me more than He can handle. Because if I give everything to Him, then I get to watch Him use me to do things that I never, ever thought I could accomplish. I get to be part of His work here on earth. I actually get to work alongside the Creator of the Universe!! How incredibly cool is that?!?!
Right now, we are in the middle of an intense spiritual battle. I believe without a doubt that the enemy of our souls is doing his best to make this move miserable. My older kids have pretty rotten attitudes lately, I had the breast lump scare which hits me right where it hurts, now Patrick's is sick. These are the "big" things. The thousands of little stresses every day are too numerous to count. I am more convinced than ever that this move is God's idea and He has something grand planned for us out there. I know that we are going to witness Him moving in ways we can not even imagine right now and I am getting SO excited about the whole thing. The more the enemy tries to distract me, the more excited I get about what God has in store.
I will leave off now with just a "sneak peek" at one of the blessings God has already given me. I have been praying for friends for the kids and like minded families to connect with ever since I found out we were moving. I also asked God for something that even I thought was silly. I asked Him to give me some blogs to read where the families lived on the West Coast. It sounds ridiculous really, but most of the adoption blogs I read, the families are in Nashville and Virginia. Don't know why, that's just what it is. I think deep down I was nervous that there wouldn't be anyone in the entire state of Arizona that loved orphans! Ha!! Soon after I started praying about it, one of my favorites announced they were moving from Virginia to Colorado. Then, a friend of mine sent me the link to another Colorado based blogger who has many, many adopted children. Linny, at A Place Called Simplicity, simply touched my heart. I began to
Friends, He is there. He is not some distant Supreme Being who doesn't care about the details of your life. He cares and He will give you everything you need - exactly when you need it. I pray that everyone reading this knows the incredible love and power of our amazing God!
I don't know that I will be able to write anymore before we leave, but I will update you from the Valley of the Sun in a couple of weeks!! Have a joyous Christmas season and if you don't know the One who was born to die for your sins, please make that your top priority this month. I can promise you, it is the best present you will ever receive!!
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