This is a picture of my husband and me with our first homeschool graduates. We decided to homeschool when these two were just four years old - yes, they are twins - no, they are not identical (someone wanted to ask, I know it). I was pregnant with our third child, she will be a Senior this year.
This year begins our 18th year of homeschooling. When I was a rookie attending my first few homeschool conventions, I looked at people like me and shook my head. I was committed, but I was young and so naïve.
God has added to our family three more children and we have one on the way. I will homeschool until I am 57 - and that is if we don't have any more children. By the time I am done I will log 33 years. That is a full career. It comes with no paycheck, no health insurance, and no retirement benefits. It is many days thankless and every day exhausting - both mentally and physically. It is all consuming, 24/7, countless hours spent in the car (you didn't really think we did all this work at home, did you??), so much planning. My husband and I alone have borne the weight of the responsibility of our children's education. We have had no input from the "professionals."
It has yielded the most amazing results and without a second of hesitation, I would do it all over again. Heck, I am doing it all over again!! We have a five year old and a three year old.
Today I want to encourage you Mamas out there who feel like you are not enough. I am right there with you. Maybe it is my "veteran" status, or maybe I am just getting old - but I am confident that I know just one thing. You will always feel inadequate. Always.
Sorry. I know that probably wasn't what you wanted to hear, but I have talked to enough Mamas to know it is true. Those of us with adult children who have made it, still feel inadequate. Even though in our heads we know that our kids "got it" - they got the lessons we wanted them to learn, and when we are thinking rationally (as we moms do on rare occasions), we know that our next ones will get it too. Yet, we alone know what we didn't do. We know what books didn't get read, what awesome curriculum did not get used. We know what we planned. What we wanted and longed to accomplish. We know the vast amount of knowledge we desired to pour into them. The craft projects, the long walks in the woods, the deep conversations and wisdom we wanted to impart.
We know.
Sometimes I have to remind myself, like a mantra that "education is not the filling of a bucket, but the lighting of a fire." I say it over and over - and then something awesome happens. God whispers His secrets to me.
The other day I was cleaning out the school closet in preparation for next year. Buried under a pile of scribbled on scrap pages and other "art" that abounds when you have a five year old in the house, I found a stack of notebook paper. Pages and pages of Bible verses my 17 year old had written down. She is a talented artist and she had decorated the borders and in between the verses with beautiful designs. There were hundreds of verses.
God whispered to me our family theme verse. Isaiah 54:13, "All your children will be taught of the Lord, and great will be the peace of your children."
I have this verse on my blog, I have it printed on a family picture we took a few years ago. It is written on the doorposts of our home. I memorize it, I quote it -- it is what I need to say like a mantra when things get tough. These children belong to the Lord. He called us to this life, and He always always pays for what He orders. I have only to obey.
So, weary Mamas, a new school year is upon us. If you are, like me, tired from the start, then remember, you are not alone. God, who called you, is faithful to complete the task at hand. And you are running this race alongside many others. We are here to support you, encourage you, and pick you up when you fall.
Don't try to be perfect, it can't happen and it will only frustrate you. Don't beat yourself up. Just today I sobbed to my perplexed husband - I mean SOBBED, out loud. I said I felt like a failure, that I could not keep up. That I was behind before I ever started. That I could not clean up behind all 8 people who live in our house by myself (three of them haven't even been here since May, so they got blamed from 3,000 miles away - poor guys). That I was sick of being mediocre at everything I attempt.
Friends, I have homeschooled for 18 years and I still have these break downs. Too frequently, to tell the truth. My steady, practical husband just gave me a hug, patted my back and asked me if it was "that time of the month." It infuriates me when he does that - even more when he is right.
So - take heart Mamas!!! You are doing a great job. And if you are reading and are not a home schooling mom, you are doing an awesome job too. Let's never set ourselves in separate "camps" for ANY reason. We need each other.
Bless you guys! Carry on.........
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