Roots or Wings?

I had roots and I have given my kids wings.

I am not sure that there is a black and white answer to the question of which is best.  I have searched deep within myself for many years with little success.  Maybe there isn't one, so much in life can not be filed in neat little compartments.  Maybe God's sovereignty over our lives is personal.  We are messy, us humans that He created.  Maybe I am a wanderlust because I had deep roots.  Maybe my kids will want roots because I gave them wings.

So far I have one wanderlust like me, a home body who clearly wants roots, two who are still trying to decide and two very young adventurers who could not define the term wanderlust just yet, but love to tag along on Mom's random road trips.  My oldest daughter is my mini me.  Her favorite quote is "Not all who wander are lost" - it is mine too.

I want to see it all - I seriously could just keep a "go bag" packed and ready and if someone asked me to leave for another continent on two hours notice I would thrive on the "stress" and beat them to the airport.  On the other hand, I love lazy days at home, I love to be alone in my prayer closet, and I love to curl up with a good book.  What I hate is mediocrity and boredom.  I hate it when my littles sit in front of the tv all day.  It causes a stifling guilt to rise up within me.  I despise "mindless" activities.  I want to see them run in fields, build sand castles, peruse museums, and taste all the samples at Farmer's Markets.  I want to see the wind in their hair and the fire in their eyes.  I want to be doing all of these same things myself.  I love long lazy drives in the country, walking trails in the cool morning, watching the flaming sun set over the mountains or the beach, waking up to the sound of lapping waves and air so thick that you can taste it.

I am a wanderlust and a romantic.  I envision things that have a hard time matching reality - and this sometimes plunges me into a pit.  Sometimes I can climb out of the pit and shake it off and sometimes I live there for a while.  I am not proud of the periods of time I have lived in the pit.  It is slimy and gross and lonely.  No one likes pit dwellers.  They are no fun, they are crabby and frown a lot.  This is how I feel about myself most of the time.  So many don't believe that about me - they believe I am peaceful, content, loving and selfless.  I don't mean to be a poser.  Those things are what I want to be - and some days the scales tip to the positive side.  Many days they don't.  I have ben in a pit for a while now.  So much in our life is changing - good changes, but change nonetheless and it is stressful.  I feel like I am in a mode of self preservation and it is a pervasive mood in our family right now.  I hate it, and I feel paralyzed to change it.  The changes just keep coming - the weight of it feels too much right now.  I see no light at the end of the tunnel.

It is times like this that I see the benefit of roots.  I want my extended family close by.  I want my childhood friends.  Maybe I want my childhood.  When someone took care of me.  I want to be able to drop my kids off at my mom's for a few hours or oh my gosh have them spend the night with their grandparents or cousins.  I can't remember the last time my kids spent the night with anyone.  This is the consequence of giving them wings.  We spread ours and flew away over twenty years ago and we have gone at it apart from human help ever since.  God has been faithful and He is more than enough to carry the weight of what we are dealing with right now.  As I said, mostly all good things - but even good changes can feel overwhelming when they hit you all at once.

Part of me holds on to the hope that my children will figure out how to have the benefits of staying close to their roots and still not being fearful of spreading their wings and flying high on the wind - wherever God leads them.  So, what do you think?  Roots or wings?  Or is it wishful thinking to believe that there is a way to have both?